


Hobson's Choice

by NocturniasDoctor (nocturnias)



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Captivity, Drama, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:13:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nocturnias/pseuds/NocturniasDoctor
Summary: Stranded on a war-ravaged planet, imprisoned by its inhabitants, the Doctor and Tegan are forced to depend on each other for support and sanity and find their friendship evolving into something unexpected.
Relationships: Fifth Doctor/Tegan Jovanka
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MizJoely](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizJoely/gifts).



> Hobson's choice (HOB-suhnz chois) noun
> 
> An apparently free choice with no acceptable alternative.

"Tegan, are you quite certain that you didn't do anything? Didn't press a single button?"

Tegan sighed. "Doctor, first off: NO. Second off: why can't you just admit that most of the time you have no control over the TARDIS?"

He sighed and shook his head. "Something's not right here," he murmured, hands absently running over the lapels of his cream colored coat.

She rolled her eyes. "Another great understatement brought to us by the Doctor."

"Really, Tegan, do you think you could manage to be quiet for just five minutes?" He asked, amusement and irritation vying for dominance in his tone.

She echoed his sigh, but said no more, instead watching as he checked and re-checked instrument gauges, peered at wires, and finally threw his hands up. "Obviously some sort of paradistemporal effect."

"O, yes," Tegan said archly. "Obviously. How could I have not seen that from the start."

He clicked his teeth together. "In other words, a local unbalance in the space/time continuum."

"And in other words, we're lost again."

"Not lost, Tegan: misplaced. Anyway, why must you always say "lost" as though it was a dirty word? We'd have missed out on a lot of adventures if it wasn't for these random trips."

"Yeah, lucky us," Tegan quipped. She fleetingly wished that she'd taken Nyssa up on her offer to spend some time on Elysia. Nothing had been the same since Adric's death. The TARDIS had seemed so full of energy when he was on board. Now it was dull, lifeless to her. If she'd gone with Nyssa perhaps it would've lifted her spirits. Nyssa certainly had a calming effect if nothing else. And Tegan was tired of turmoil to the point where she half wanted to go back to Earth. She hadn't quite made up her mind yet, though. There were several factors to consider.

The most important of those factors was currently gently smiling at her, rather like a parent would smile at a petulant child. "Tegan, Tegan," he said softly. "Does everything that comes out of your mouth have to start with a hefty dose of sarcasm?"

"Not everything," she admitted. "Just most things."

He nodded, as if that was what he'd expected her to say. "Well, you are who you are, I suppose," he murmured.

She frowned. "And that makes me what, in your book?"

His gaze was unreadable. "It makes you Tegan Jovanka, sarcasm incarnate. But you're also my friend, and as your friend I can accept the way you are. most of the time." He grinned widely with the last bit, and despite her current mood she laughed with him.

Their joviality was interrupted by the unmistakable sounds of the TARDIS dematerializing. "Well," the Doctor said briskly. "Shall we put on our Sunday best and have a nice stroll, Miss Tegan?"

She actually giggled. "I wouldn't mind seeing you in something other than that crickety outfit once in a while. Really, Doc, haven't you anything else you could wear?"

"I have plenty of other things I could wear!" He exclaimed. "But this. how can you dispute this, Tegan? It's simple, classic."

"If you're a fashion reject," she retorted.

He bit his lip. "Yes, well, perhaps some day I'll surprise you."

"I doubt it," she said bluntly.

"At any rate, shall we sit in here and argue about my fashion sense or go have a look outside?"

Tegan actually debated it for a few seconds. Then she sighed. "All right, outside it is, then."

"That's my brave heart," he said as he opened the door.

"Cripes!" Tegan muttered as they stepped out. "You could've at least landed us somewhere hospitable, Doc!"

"Tegan, for the"-he couldn't say LAST, because he knew very well it wouldn't be-"Hundredth time, I didn't land us here."

"You know, I actually believe that," she said thoughtfully.

He was so started to hear her say that he halted. "You do?"

"Yes. I don't think even you would've picked such a motley looking place on purpose."

The Doctor tipped his head as he tried to balance the statement to decide if it ultimately was a compliment or an insult. He gave up with a shrug and cast his eyes about. "I don't suppose you know where we are," he joked.

"Yes, I do."

Now he was truly startled. "Really?"

"Yes. We're on the arsehole of the universe."

"Language, Tegan," he admonished. "There's a time and place for everything."

"I rather think this qualifies, Doc."

"Yes, well." He sighed and glanced about again. "Still there's got to be SOMETHING here."

They were looking at little more than a wasteland, with only scarce shrubs and a tiny amount of grass poking through in patches of the light brown dirt. It was more rock than anything, with several outcroppings surrounding them at various angles. "It looks as though this planet's seen war," the Doctor breathed sadly. The dull orange glow of the sun lit his face and gave him an almost sanguine countenance.

"How do you know that?" She asked, impressed despite herself.

He waved a hand at the ground. "Look at the soil. Light soil means it's been stripped of nutrients. And there isn't much plant life."

"That could be natural," she argued. "Like on Earth. There's plenty of places with just rocks and tumbleweeds."

He shook his head. "Yes, but take a closer look. Those shrubs are laid out in a precise pattern. And the patches of soil with grass are neat and precise. Nature didn't do this, Tegan."

"Then who-or what-did?" She asked.

"I don't know yet," he answered. "But it looks as if whatever or whoever it is is trying to rebuild the ground."

Tegan frowned and was about to say something when she felt a light prick in her leg. She gave a startled yelp and whirled about. "Doctor!"

The Doctor turned just as he felt a jab in his thigh. He frowned and looked down. There was a slender metal rod imbedded in his skin. He glanced quickly at Tegan, saw a similar rod in her, and then looked across towards the nearest rocks. He started to take a step forward. and promptly fell to his knees.

"Doctor!" Tegan cried, ignoring the sudden twinge she felt running up her leg as she dropped beside him.

He shook his head, and Tegan was alarmed to see him shaking. "Not to kill," he told her. "To stun. I think we've just had the dubious honor of being kidnapped."

"Lovely," she snapped, then gasped as she felt her own shaking body turning to water. She fell next to him on the ground as sensations of warmth and languor flooded her. She swallowed hard. "Doctor."

"Don't fight it, Tegan," He said calmly. "We'll sort it all out once we're awake again, hmm?"

She drew a breath with a sound that could have been exasperation or a laugh. "You take these things so calmly."

"I've learned to," he answered, twisting his head to smile at her.

She managed a smile of her own, then moaned as she felt herself losing her grip on consciousness. Without thinking, she reached out and grabbed the Doctor's hand in one of hers. She felt him give it a small squeeze, and then she was lost in darkness.

Silence greeted the Doctor when he came to. Silence and soft warmth against his left side.

He opened his eyes slowly, instinctively checking himself for injury. It was then that he discovered that his clothes had been removed from him. He now wore a thin brown cotton shirt and coarse drawstring pants. He heard a murmur, and it was then that he realized the soft warmth was Tegan. She, too, had been stripped and changed into the same type of outfit he had on, and was still sleeping off the effects of whatever they'd been drugged with. A quick inspection showed that otherwise they were both fine, and the Doctor carefully disengaged himself from her and stood up.

The room they were in was actually two rooms. A tiny bathroom was to one side. It had a shower and what he took to be a toilet, nothing else. The main room was larger, about 14 x 14 feet. It held a small wooden table with two chairs and a bed big enough to fit two. On the table was what looked like an earthenware pitcher of water and two cups. There were no windows. For a moment he wondered why they'd simply been left at the door instead of laid out on the bed, then shrugged. Doubtless their captors had other things to do than be that civil. He carefully picked Tegan up and placed her on the bed. She didn't stir. He listened, but couldn't hear any noise, not even near the door.

Thought of the door made him hurry over to it. He examined it carefully. No peepholes, no spy slide, it was simply a heavy metal door with a keyhole. Ah, good, he thought. All I'll need is to find something to pick the lock and we can be on our way.

He tentatively reached out to touch the handle, and was rewarded with a severe electric shock that made him cry out and stumble back several feet. He stood wringing his hand and glaring at the offending door for a moment. He sighed. It wouldn't be possible to tamper with the lock, then: not until he found a way to deactivate that field. And since he knew that wouldn't be possible until they'd been taken out of the room, he stopped worrying about their escape and sat down in one of the chairs. He stretched his legs out, then his arms, then simply sat still, letting his eyes wander about. He paused when they reached Tegan's face.

In sleep she was nothing like when she was awake. Her relaxed features softened her, made her seem vulnerable and more beautiful. He grinned at the thought. She'd not mind the beautiful part, but he could almost imagine the vehement protests she'd make at being called vulnerable. Tegan was a volcano, shifting between being dormant and being active with no advance warning other than the fact that one knew it would happen. A mouth on legs, he sometimes called her. And she was. But that mouth could make kind, understanding, and very intelligent comments when she chose to. She was just so busy hiding herself, putting up a front most of the time, that this part of her didn't show often. But when it did. it was like a rainbow after a storm.

He suddenly realized that she was awake and watching him watching her. "Doc?" She asked softly.

He rose, poured some water for them both, and walked over to her. Her brown eyes widened as she looked at him, then at herself. "Where are we?" She croaked as she accepted a cup.

"I don't know," he replied softly. "But I do know we're not going anywhere right now."

She nodded, accepting his words with no protest, greedily gulping her water down until she'd drained the cup. He took the cup and replaced it on the table along with his, then sat beside her on the edge of the bed. "Are you all right?" He asked.

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yes."

She laughed. "Well, now that we've got that settled."

There was a sudden harsh clicking sound of a key in the lock.


	2. Two

Tegan tensed reflexively. The Doctor remained calm, as usual. Both of them waited wordlessly. The door opened a few seconds later, and three of what the Doctor assumed were their captors entered the room.

They were humanoid, but definitely not human. They each stood about six and a half feet tall, and their large frames showed an impressive amount of muscle. They had slightly long faces that were balanced by enormous eyes, and their hands each had six fingers. Their skin was tan but had a faint bluish cast. They wore the same type of clothing that the Doctor and Tegan had been dressed in, along with scuffed shoes made of some type of animal hide. There were two males and one female. The males wore scruffy beards, and their straight hair was long and tied back. The female's hair, in contrast, was shorter and curly. Each of them carried a metal rod about two feet long. None of them were smiling, or scowling either. They simply stared.

The Doctor, par for the course, hopped off the bed and strode forward. "Hello," He said brightly. "I'm the Doctor. And you are?"

In response one of the males flashed out his stick and touched the doctor in the side with it. The Doctor yelped as a bolt of energy shot through him, causing him to moan in pain. He would have crumpled to the floor if Tegan hadn't have jumped up and grabbed him around the waist.

"There was no bloody need for that, he only asked you who you are!" She spat.

"Tegan-" the Doctor gasped anxiously, not wanting her to get reprimanded. She ignored him and glowered at their captors.

To their surprise, her actions prompted a round of gruff laughter from the female. "Male weak. Female strong," she said in a low growl of a voice. She grinned at Tegan, and Tegan caught her breath at the sight of the rows of long sharp teeth. "Strong female with weak male. Stupid choice for mate."

One of the males snickered. "Very stupid. But they are mated. Must be mated for female to risk attack."

The female humanoid nodded. "Since they are mates, they stay together."

The Doctor had been absorbing the conversation with no further comments. But when he heard this he suddenly sprang to action again, smiling and wrapping his arms around Tegan.

"Yes," he said firmly. "Mates. Stay together."

"Doctor," Tegan gasped.

"Do hush, Tegan," he said in a low warning tone. He continued to hold her in his arms while he looked at their captors. "She is very strong," he said in what he hoped was a meek voice. "Her family shamed her for mating with a weak male. They threw us out of their home. We got lost and came here."

The female nodded. "And now you belong to us."

She caught the look of unease on Tegan's face and laughed again. "Not worry," she said. "You funny. Make me laugh. You can keep weak mate as long as he works."

"Oh, he'll work, all right," Tegan said, giving the Doctor a withering glare.

The males nodded. The female spoke again. "You call me Halda. I am your keeper. I will have food brought to you. You stay here until tomorrow morning. Then you start to learn the way."

"The way of what?" The Doctor asked.

"The way of the people," she said.

"That's very nice of you, Halda, but we'd really prefer to leave and go back to some of our own people," the Doctor said.

Halda frowned and lifted her stick. "No leave. You belong here now."

"No, we don't," the Doctor said, sharper than he'd intended.

Her stick tapped him, with a stronger jolt than the first one had packed. This time he did fall, with a sharp cry of pain. Tegan knelt beside him, then pulled him into her arms, propping him up against her back.

"You finished? Or you want more?" Halda asked.

"No, he's finished," Tegan said firmly.

"Tegan-"

The Doctor was startled when Tegan clamped a hand over his mouth. "Shut up, you stupid male," she told him.

Halda laughed again. "That good, one called Tegan! He talks too much."

"Yes," Tegan replied, fixing the Doctor with a stern stare. "He does."

The Doctor's eyes widened at this exchange, but he made no attempt to remove Tegan's hand. He, too, had realized that this society seemed to be controlled by the females and that for once Tegan's brassy behavior was winning points instead of losing them. He lowered his eyes and tried to look humbled, as much as possible with Tegan's hand over his mouth.

Satisfied that the Doctor had been put in his place, the three left the cell and locked the door behind them.

Tegan didn't move for a few seconds, prompting the Doctor to mumble her name. She blinked and removed her hand, putting her arms under his to help him up. "Sorry, Doc," she said apologetically.

"Are you indeed," he murmured. But he nodded. "That was quick thinking on your part, Tegan. It would seem that it will be up to you to make some headway here, if any's to be made."

"Now that's a switch," she laughed as she eased him into a chair.

"It can't be me all the time," he joked as she sat opposite him.

"Lucky me, the dog getting her day," she shot back with a grin. Then she sobered. "Doctor, why do you think Halda made such a big deal about us being mates?"

He shrugged. "Lots of societies place a heavy emphasis on pairing and sexual selection. Including yours, Tegan."

"Oh, yes, us pathetic little humans," she snapped.

"I didn't meant it that way, Tegan," he retorted. "There's nothing wrong with it, it's very natural for most beings."

"Not Time Lords," she countered.

"There are even Time Lords who marry or take consorts, Tegan. Just because we use science instead of sex to reproduce doesn't mean we're stone statues."

She blinked in surprise. "You never told me that before," she said softly.

"Yes, well, it never came up in discussion before, now did it?" He asked. "At any rate, this isn't really the time to go into detail about Gallifreyan courtship habits."

She laughed. "No, I reckon not! So, what's the plan, Doc?"

"The plan, Tegan, is we eat when they bring us food, we sleep when it gets late, and when they let us out in the morning we make good our escape somehow."

"Sleep? You want to sleep?" She asked, startled.

He nodded. "For a little while, at least. Those two charges I got were a bit of a shock to my system. I need a light healing sleep."

"Right. Well, then," she said, "I guess it's just you and me in here with nothing to do but talk, then."

He heard the slight tremor in her voice and smiled. "Don't you mean argue?"

"I hope not!" She exclaimed. "I get so bloody sick of arguing with you!"

Now it was the Doctor who was surprised. "Then why do you do it so much?" He asked softly.

She sighed in agitation. "I don't know."

He raised an eyebrow, but decided to let the topic pass. "Well, Tegan, look at it this way. If we talk and argue, it'll almost be like being in the TARDIS."

She snorted, got up and went in the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

When she came back out a few minutes later he was sitting cross-legged in a chair, sipping from his cup, a remote expression on his face. She wanted to sigh. It almost always seemed as though either they were sparring, or he was ignoring her, or she was fuming at him. There wasn't much in-between with the two of them: it was usually lots of talking or silence.

When he'd asked her why she always argued with him if she didn't really like it, she hasn't known how to answer. It wasn't something she'd given thought to. But now that he'd asked, she knew her brain would start churning. And she did so hate that.

"So! What'll it be?" she asked as she sprawled out in the opposite seat. "Charades? Twenty Questions? Truth or Dare?"

Cool blue eyes flicked to her face in amused exasperation.

"Well, you do agree that we have to pass the time somehow," she chided.

"Yes," he murmured. "However, a game of truth or dare wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"And what did you have in mind, Doc? Quantum Physics? Molecular Evolution? Dystopia and Utopia?" She shook her head. "I don't know why that would surprise me: you obviously have no concept of fun."

He frowned openly at her. "I happen to have every concept of the word fun."

"Right, Doc. And Daleks can fly," Tegan snorted.

The Doctor was preparing to give a rebuttal to this comment when the door was unlocked. It was Halda, along with four more humanoids. Two of them carried metal trays in their hands. The other two held small silver metal bands. All of them carried weapons. "You," Halda said, pointing to the Doctor. "Come here."

Tegan bit her lip and cast the Doctor a worried glance. He appeared nonplussed by the request and walked up to the guards. "Ah! Food. Thank you. And now if you'd just be so good as to let us leave-"

He didn't have time to finish the sentence before he was shocked and grabbed around the throat by one of the males.

"Stop!" Tegan cried.

"Make him shut up, or he'll get more," Halda said.

"No need," the Doctor moaned. "I just want to-"

There was another flash, another searing current, and another moan from him. He would have collapsed, but the hand curled around his throat prevented it. He gasped as that hand tightened slightly, and he stopped his useless effort of talking.

Tegan had gotten up to go to him, but two guards stepped between her and him. "Not until you are prepared," Halda said.

"What does that mean?" Tegan asked anxiously.

"You must be marked, so you cannot escape. It is the way." As she spoke, she slipped one of the slim metal bands around the Doctor's neck. It seemed to fit itself to his skin, close enough to prevent being slipped off, but not tight enough to inhibit breathing or talking. For the first time Tegan noticed that there was a tiny set of lights embedded in the band. They pulsed a soft green for a moment, then became solid.

The Doctor looked down, but couldn't see what was going on. He was held firmly by a guard while Tegan was ordered to come over and stand next to him. When she did he saw that, while she was putting on a good show, she was afraid. Halda lifted the other metal band, then turned to her. "Put your arms around each other," she ordered.

"What?" Tegan exclaimed sharply.

"Put your arms around each other. There must be touching to connect you."

"Connect us for what?" The Doctor asked without thinking.

"Do it now, or you both get punished!" Halda said angrily.

"All right, cripes, no need to get huffy," Tegan said quietly. She slipped her arms loosely around the Doctor, and after a second he did the same with her. They stood in that awkward embrace while Tegan's collar was put on. They waited in silence, looking at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at each other.

There was a sudden vibration from the collars, and the lights now winked off and on, first blue, then green, then yellow. Finally they stayed a solid dull green on both.

Halda nodded. "Now you are both prepared."

"But what does that mean?" Tegan asked.

"Simple way to keep you under control. If you go somewhere you should not, HE will have bad pain. Punishment is determined by how many times you have done it and what you have done."

Tegan gulped. The Doctor paled somewhat. "What if we try to escape once too often?"

"You will both die," Halda said flatly. "The control bands tell us everywhere you are, all the time. If one of you does wrong, the other suffers for it."

"Effective," the Doctor muttered. "Crude, but effective."

Halda nodded. "A prisoner might not mind risking his or her own life, or suffering pain. But no one would want to harm their mate."

The Doctor nodded. Now he understood more of the significance and importance of the earlier conversation. It was too late to say that he and Tegan weren't mates. And even if he did, it might cause them to be separated from each other. He didn't want that. Best to continue letting Halda believe it and focus on the more important issue of escaping.

They were released and pushed towards the table, where their food was placed. Halda and the others then left. Only when they had been gone for a minute or two did Tegan speak.

"Good grief! NOW what are we gonna do, Doctor!" she exclaimed.

He shook his head, blonde hair falling over his forehead. "I don't know. As soon as possible I'll find something to remove or disable these collars. Until then..."

"Until then," she echoed. "We've got to put up with this, haven't we?"

He smiled. "I'm afraid so, brave heart."

She shook her head. "Hoo, boy, when we get out of this mess, you're gonna have to take me somewhere awfully blasted nice to make up for this, Doc!"

She thought he would protest, but he only smiled again. "I shall do my best, Tegan. Where would you like to go?"

"I don't know," she muttered. "Italy, maybe..."

"Venice?" he said softly. "I know a wonderful little bistro, assuming it still exists when I get us there."

"Well right now we'd best eat what we've got," Tegan said, turning her attention to a tray.

"Quite right."

"I hate this," she said quietly out of the blue not long after they'd eaten.

He tilted his head. "Which part? Being stuck on this planet? Being locked in this room? Or being thought of as my mate?"

"Any or all of the above," she retorted.

"If it makes you feel better I'm the same," he offered.

She opened her mouth to tell him that no, it bloody well did not make her feel better, but what came out was: "Yes, it does, actually."

He blinked in surprise. She was surprised herself. But she knew it was the truth, the truth she'd told without thinking, without letting her sarcasm speak for her heart.

He cleared his throat. "Well. Perhaps we should try and get some sleep now, hmm? Who knows when morning comes around here."

"Right." She gave a yawn. Some sleep would help. And it would pass time. "Do you want to do paper-rock-scissors to see who gets the bed?" she joked.

His expression turned serious. "I believe it would be best if we slept together."

Her mouth opened and closed several times before anything would come out. When she could finally speak she gave a short, nervous laugh. "I'll say one thing for you Doc: you got right to the point."

"Think about it, Tegan. They think we're mates. What happens if they come in and find us not sleeping together?"

"They'll think we've had a row?" she suggested.

"Every night?" he asked in amusement.

"With us? It's possible," she chuckled.

He shook his head. "They'll believe something is wrong. And until we can get out of here I'd rather not have them think that."

"Want us to be the stereotypical imprisoned lovers, do you?"

"If need be," he answered.

She nodded. It did make sense. It was hard to tell what sort of things could warrant punishment around here. "All right, Doc. We'll have it to be that way, then."

He nodded. "I know you have an aversion to being close to me, but-"

She was on him in an instant, pouring all of her anger and frustration over their situation into her words.

"I have no such aversion!" she shouted. "It's you who want to keep people at arm's length, it's you who'd rather have his toes sliced off by Cybermen than be close to someone! Don't try to blame your being a cold fish on me, Doc, because it bloody well won't work!"

"Tegan! Stop yelling," he hissed. "You might get us in trouble."

She drew a shuddering breath, forcing herself to lower her voice. "All I'm saying is, I don't have a problem being close to you. You're the one with the problems, Doc. Not me."

"Fine," he said angrily. "Blame it on me if you like. Now can we please go to sleep?"

She snorted. "Like I'll be able to sleep now."

"Well pretend until you ARE able."

He stretched out on the bed. Tegan moved to the other side and slipped in beside him. A thought struck her. "Doc... how are you going to sleep every night? You don't need to sleep, how..."

"Time Lords can induce sleep at will, Tegan," he told her. "It will be unusual, but not difficult."

"Oh."

He turned over onto his side away from her. "Good night, Tegan."

"Good night, Doc," she said, curling up and closing her eyes against the light in the ceiling. As if on cue it turned off, and they were left in the dark. Just as well, Tegan thought: the dark would help give her the courage to say what she was about to say.

"Doctor..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry. For what I said."

She could feel him turn over, and though she couldn't see his face she had the feeling he was looking into her eyes. "Thank you, Tegan," he said softly, warmly.

She couldn't trust her voice to reply, so she just reached out until she found one of his hands and squeezed it. He squeezed back, then patted it before turning it loose. She felt better for her apology. They didn't come easily or often from her. But she meant them when she gave them.

"Go to sleep, Tegan dear," he murmured.

She almost gasped aloud at this, but stopped herself and closed her eyes instead. She also hated being predictable.


	3. Three

Morning came early, it seemed: much to early to suit Tegan. She groaned when her eyes opened, and groaned again, louder, when she couldn't fall back asleep.

"You're making some very interesting sounds," the Doctor murmured from beside her.

"It's called my I hate morning sounds," she responded, giving up on trying to find her dreams again and turning to face him instead. She figured he'd been awake for a while. It was still dark in their cell, but her eyes had adjusted now, and she could faintly make out that he was on his back. And though she couldn't see his features well, she suspected his blue eyes were as calm and reflective as always. For a moment Tegan had a vivid flashback to his previous incarnation. Now there was a man who wouldn't have just been lying calmly about. The old Doctor would've been pacing and rambling, or rambling and pacing as the case might have been. This Doctor was a bird of a very different color.

"It isn't morning yet," he said matter-of-factly.

"How do you know?"

He shrugged. "I don't, really. But since we're still in the dark, I'd say it's a reasonable assumption."

She grinned. "Be careful with assumptions, Doc. They-"

"Make an ass out of you and me," he replied dryly. "Yes, Tegan, I am aware of that Human saying. But I'm not human, and I am usually correct in my assumptions."

"If you say so."

"How often have I been wrong?"

"Depends on the subject."

"Are we going to start arguing again so soon? I thought perhaps we could take the day off," he said teasingly.

She chuckled. "Tell you what, Doc: I'll give it a try. No promises, though."

"We'll start small and work our way up."

The light suddenly flicked on, causing the Doctor to squint and Tegan to groan and cover her eyes. "And I was just getting used to the dark."

"If we don't get out of here by nighttime, you can get used to it again," he answered. His comment made her uncover her eyes and stare at him. "What're you saying, Doctor? That we're going to be stuck here for a bit? Not my idea of a vacation, you know!"

"Or mine, Tegan," he countered. "I hope to get us out of here today, yes. But that depends on my being able to sabotage these collars as well as our finding a way out."

She sighed. "True enough. I want out of here something fierce, but not if we're going to get badly injured in the process. It might not be a big deal for you, what with all your lives-"

"Tegan," he said sternly.

"-But this is the only body I get and I'd like to keep it alive and well for as long as possible," she finished.

His expression was tinged with hurt. "I have always done my best to see that you aren't harmed, Tegan. I don't intend to stop that now."

"I didn't say that. Cripes, Doc, I know how protective you are. But not everything is under your control."

"Isn't it?" he replied. "How disappointing!"

She grinned, but didn't have a chance to reply before the door was unlocked and Halda and three others stepped in, the same ones from the previous day. "Come," Halda said without preamble. "You will start to learn the way."

The Doctor and Tegan slid off the bed and walked over to their keepers. Halda stepped close to Tegan, who struggled not to recoil from her nearness. She leaned in and sniffed at Tegan, then moved back and shook her head. "No mate."

"Of course he is," Tegan said quickly, nervously.

Halda shook her head again. "I mean, you two. No mate last night."

It took Tegan a few seconds to understand. When she did she blushed to the roots of her hair. Beside her the Doctor looked a bit askance himself. "How did you know we didn't. mate?" He asked, curious.

Halda waved a hand a Tegan. "Her smell. No different."

The Doctor's eyes widened at this. He wanted to ask more questions, but Halda gave them a push towards the door. "No questions. Time to go. Soon you meet others, eat, bathe. Now you be quiet, or you will get punished." She ran her hand down the stick on her hip and gave the Doctor a meaningful glance.

He nodded. "All right, all right."

They were ushered into a long corridor with gray stone walls. As they walked Tegan tried to memorize the pattern of twists and turns, but finally had to give up. There were too many for her to remember accurately later. Besides, the Doctor would have no problems recalling it later. They passed other humanoids like their captors, but no other prisoners. Tegan suddenly realized that they didn't even know what their jailers were called.

Oh, well, she thought. I'm sure all will be made clear when we're taught "the way."

After walking for what seemed like forever to Tegan the group approached a door at the end of a hall. It was a large metal door made entirely out of bars, with two guards standing outside it. Inside Tegan could see a huge room filled with about a dozen members of different species. She found herself being scrutinized by numerous eyes and tried not to let it unnerve her. She, too, was curious.

One of the guards saluted Halda as she approached. "The new ones?"

"Yes. Start them here for the next few days. Then we can decide what their lifetask will be."

Tegan swallowed hard, glancing at the Doctor. He didn't appear to have taken to the unfamiliar term any more than she had. She forced herself to stay calm as the door was opened and they were ushered inside. They stood just inside the door as it was closed, both of them at a loss as to what would happen next.

"New ones," Halda called in a harsh voice to the group. "Teach them."

One being, which Tegan couldn't decide as being male or female, nodded its square shaped bronze head. "We will."

Their escorts departed, and all that remained were the two guarding the door.

The Doctor walked up to the being who'd answered Halda. "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

It nodded. " Hello, Doctor. I'm Lils."

"This is Tegan," the Doctor continued, gently pulling Tegan to his side.

Another one of them came forward, of the same species, and Tegan still had no clue who was what, or if it even mattered. "This is Rina."

The Doctor nodded. "Hello, Rina." His eyes narrowed for a few seconds as he thought. "Alderons, aren't you?"

"Yes," Rina replied. "And you are humans."

"Well Tegan is, and I'm. a little different," the Doctor said with a smile. "But enough about me: perhaps you could explain all of this to us?"

Rina started to speak when the guards turned towards the cell. "Time to begin work!" One said. He jabbed a finger at the four of them huddled together. "You two. You explain first. Then work."

"Yes," Lils answered. "Yes, we will teach them quickly."

"Not too quick," the other guard snapped. "Make sure they know all they need to know. If you don't, you will both be punished," he said, pointing at Rina.

Tegan gasped softly, and Rina paled.

"We will learn," the Doctor said firmly. "We will learn everything. No need to threaten them."

The guard rolled his eyes. "Just like Halda said, this one talks too much at the wrong times." He brandished his shock stick at the Doctor. "Shut up and listen, one called Doctor!"

"Right. Shutting up now," he said rapidly.

The guards sat down in chairs on the opposite side of the room, watching the cell with bored expressions. Tegan noticed that at the earlier command, the others in the room had begun doing various tasks at long wooden tables. Some were sewing, others were carving, and a few more were grinding what looked like herbs with a pestle. Something nagged at her, but she couldn't quite place it.

She turned as Lils and Rina led them to the end of the back table. "Ok," she said quietly after sitting down, "what's the story?"

"Our captors call themselves the Azim," Rina began in a soft voice.

The Doctor frowned. "I've never heard of them."

"Shame, that. They have such lovely manners," Tegan muttered.

Rina continued. "This is a massive complex, from what we guess. There are hundreds of prisoners here from many races, all probably like us, like yourselves, who wandered here or crashed here and were captured. We're used as labor. We make clothes, prepare food, bottle water: the list of possible tasks are endless."

"How do they keep it all under control so well?" Tegan broke in.

"There are quite a lot of them: well, more than there are of us, anyway. And as I'm sure you've noticed, the Azim do have some very persuasive methods of keeping order," Lils said, fingering a collar similar to theirs.

"They keep us in small groups, scattered all over the complex. We travel in a lot of a dozen at a time usually, and if we'd taken outside we're shackled so we can walk but not kick or run," Lils continued. "The collars are very sophisticated devices, and frankly I'm not certain that the Azim are the ones who developed them. You've seen the inconsistencies in their speech patterns, I'm sure: one minute they sound like regressed humanoids, the next very precise, almost clinical."

"I'd noticed that, yes," the Doctor agreed. "And I agree with you: they definitely have borrowed or stolen technology."

"So why haven't any of you found a way to short out these collars and escape?" Tegan asked.

Rina sighed. "Because we are given very limited freedom, very limited access to anything even remotely technological. There have been a few to try and escape regardless: I don't wish to detail what happened to them. Suffice it to say, they are no longer alive."

The Doctor waved a hand. "I plan on taking care of that," he said in a whisper.

Lils shook his head. "You don't understand, Doctor. You'll not be given a chance to go anywhere near real equipment or tools. These collars... not only do they indicate our exact locations at all times, they're constantly monitored. If a prisoner is so much as ten feet away from where he or she is supposed to be, guards are dispatched, and the errant captive has to watch his or her mate being tortured."

Tegan sighed. Rina nodded sympathetically and picked up the narrative. "And there's more about the collars. They register differences in brain chemistries, different emotions. If a prisoner is angry or about to become violent these waves transmit to control units and that person gets a very bad shock, or is paralyzed. I think they must have medical scanners as well, because Lils and I once pretended to be sick, to try and escape, but they somehow knew we were lying and we both got zapped."

"This is getting better and better," Tegan huffed. She subsided when the Doctor gave her a pleading look.

"They said something about lifetasks," the Doctor said.

Lils nodded. "You will be given a series of simple tests to determine where your skills lie. Then you'll be assigned jobs to do every day based on that."

The Doctor nodded thoughtfully. "When we woke up, we were in a cell alone," he said. "What about that?"

"That was a processing cell," Rina replied. "But don't worry, you and Tegan will be given your own cell in the main ward. The Azim seem to understand and respect the need for privacy for mates."

Lils nodded. "Speaking of mates," he began somberly.

"Lils!" Rina said anxiously.

"They have to be told everything, Rina."

The Doctor felt the first prickle of apprehension sting him. He took a deep breath. "Go on, Lils."

"Well," the Alderon continued, "It won't be expected for a while. You're new here, and that'll be taken into account. Plus there's the matter of the cycles. It's done very precisely, only a certain number every cycle. But when your time comes..."

Tegan found she was staring in a mixture of fear and confusion. "When our time comes?"

Lils sighed. "You'll be expected to... I can't say it to a woman, Rina!" he finished helplessly.

Rina nodded, then looked at Tegan sadly. "They'll expect the Doctor to impregnate you."


	4. Four

All the color drained from both Tegan's and the Doctor's faces. "What?" they gasped together.

Rina sighed. "You won't have a choice in the matter. Either of you. No one does. I'm truly sorry to have to tell you this, but Lils is right: it's best for you not to have any big surprises. Whether or not you two are actually together doesn't matter."

"It bloody well matters to me!" Tegan exploded. "We won't! We simply won't!"

Rina looked pained. "Tegan, I am sorry. I know what that prospect is like, mating on demand to produce a child. Lils and I have already had two children."

"And where are they?" the Doctor asked softly.

Lils bowed his head. "After birth, the children are taken by the Azim. They raise them as part of their culture."

"But surely your own children, anyone's own children, would recognize their real parents and rise up against the Azim!" Tegan protested.

Rina shook her head. "Their secondhand technology must include some sort of brainwashing device. Once a child is taken, it's over."

Tegan swallowed hard. For the first time since their arrival she was looking beyond the troubles she and the Doctor were facing, beyond problems they had already faced. Somehow Cybermen just didn't seem to measure up to being forced to have a child and then having that child taken from you and raised by your captors.

Hesitantly she put a hand on Rina's arm. "I'm sorry," she said gently. "I'm so sorry."

Rina nodded and gave a bleak smile. "Thank you. The children are well treated and not used for horrid experiments or cannibalized as on some worlds. That's a small comfort, but it's all we have."

The four of them stood in silence then, each lost in their own private pain. After a moment Lils shook his head. "Well. At any rate, the schedule is simple here. You get up in the morning, bathe, eat, and work all day. In the early evening you have dinner. If you're a model prisoner, you're allowed to go walk in the compound when it's your turn. Small groups of 6 or 8 are allowed to socialize for a while three nights a week. If you have a special interest like sewing or carving, there's what we call a crafts room where you can go twice a week if you want. Again, it's all scheduled. Other times, it's just you and your mate in your cell after dinner til in the morning."

The Doctor nodded. "Very efficient," he commented. "And very socially oriented."

"I know it sounds insane, but in some ways we're very well treated," Rina agreed. "I guess they figure we're more productive that way, less likely to cause trouble if we're given some measure of an existence."

Tegan snorted. "Obviously they've never dealt with humans."

"Not Aussies, at any rate," the Doctor smiled.

Tegan was trying to decide if she should frown or grin when two guards came to the door. "You two, come," one ordered, pointing at them. "Time for you to eat and bathe, then tests begin."

"Lovely," Tegan huffed. They were led from the room and escorted to a new area through an endless stretch of hallways. Brought to a halt in front of a door in a hall lined with a number of identical doors, they were pushed inside when it was opened.

"Déjà vu," The Doctor said as they looked around.

The room was almost a copy of the one they'd spent the previous night in, except the bathroom had a larger shower. There was no mirror and no metal of any kind. Even the bathroom fixtures were made of some type of plastic. The Doctor wondered if this was coincidence or design.

He didn't get to ponder for long before food trays were placed on their table along with a pitcher of water. Clean clothes were thrust into their hands. "Eat and bathe," one Azim growled. "When the light blinks you will have five minutes left to finish what you're doing." They departed without another word and the Doctor and Tegan were alone again.

"Well! That was not very nice. I'm glad I didn't tip," the Doctor said.

Tegan giggled, then frowned. "You don't seem to be taking this seriously, Doc!"

"On the contrary, Tegan. I am taking this very seriously," he responded with an answering frown. "I was reasonably sure I could get us out of here today until they put these on us," he said, tugging in vain at his collar. "But now..."

"Now you're not so sure," she finished.

"Yes."

She shrugged, trying to seem unworried. "Good plans take some doing, don't they? We'll knock heads tonight and see what we come up with."

Her bravado was rewarded with a genuinely warm smile. "Tegan, did you know that at times you're a treasure?" he asked.

She shrugged again. "I did offer to try not arguing today!"

"And you're doing a wonderful job," he answered. "But since we don't know how much time we'll be given, I suggest you go bathe while I eat, and then I'll bathe while you eat."

She nodded, gripping her clothes more tightly than she realized as she headed into the bathroom. The Doctor sat down, put his clothes aside, and looked at the food on his tray. A bright blue vegetable of some type, what seemed to be a thin slice of meat, and a thick dark brown stick that he took to be bread. He hesitated, then shrugged. Hopefully the Azim had ways of knowing what foods their prisoners could and could not eat. He began to eat and was surprised to find that the food, although unappealing to the eye, tasted good and was not over or under cooked.

He had just finished when Tegan came out, her short dark curls wet and shining. "Go on, then," she said as she sat down.

He nodded and went into the bathroom. She heard the shower being turned on and glanced at the Doctor's tray. He'd eaten all his food, which either meant that it was halfway decent or he thought they'd need the energy later. Tegan decided to follow suit.

She had only taken a few bites of food when she heard a deep spluttering sound from in the bathroom. "Are you all right?" She called.

There was no reply, but the water shut off. She shrugged and kept eating. When the Doctor came out a few minutes later he looked rather unhappy.

"YOU are a hot water hog," he informed her as he dried his hair.

She spluttered. "What? Come off it! You know I wasn't in there very long!"

"Long enough, it seems, to have used it all up," he replied from beneath the towel.

"Come on, didn't you have any at all?"

"O, yes, I did," he said as his head emerged form the folds of the towel. "About a minute worth!"

"Sorry?" she said meekly.

He nodded and sighed. "Not your fault, you really weren't in there all that long. But it was a pain not to get a proper shower."

"I thought you liked it cold," she said, unable to resist teasing him.

"Not in the bath!"

The light flickered, and Tegan swore. "Great. Now I won't get to finish eating. There, are you satisfied? You're half dirty, and I'm going to be hungry. We'll both be suffering."

"Why don't you eat what you can instead of making sarcastic comments?" he asked sweetly.

She glowered but wolfed down about a third of the food before the guards arrived. "Come, time for tests," one said. The other tapped his stick as though eager for them to disobey.

"Coming along," the Doctor said cheerfully. "I do hope it's not multiple choice," he said in a low voice to Tegan. "I'm dreadful with those."

She rolled her eyes.

"By the way," the Doctor continued in a conversational tone to the guards, "I noticed that we didn't get much hot water to take our showers. I do so hate to complain, since our room and board is free, but I rather dislike having to jump out before I'm actually clean. Rather negates the purpose of showering, you know."

One guard laughed, and the other one joined him. "What?" the Doctor asked. "Why was that so funny?"

"This new stupid one?" one asked the other.

"This new stupid one."

"I am a bit tired of that appellation," the Doctor said in a peevish tone. "All I want to know is why don't we have enough hot water for showers?"

"Didn't get told," one Azim muttered. "Not TOO stupid."

The other one turned to look at the Doctor and Tegan. "Water hard to come by sometimes, and hard to heat. Takes long time. Not much for use by prisoners."

"You are supposed to shower together," the other guard added. "That way you both have hot water."

"The hell we will!" Tegan snapped without thinking.

A moment later the Doctor was supporting her from the aftereffects of being stunned by a guard's baton. "Mate not want to shower with mate? That strange," the guard who'd assaulted her said, eyes narrowing.

"No, it isn't that," the Doctor said hastily. "We just... we haven't learned all of the way yet. It's our first day," he added in what he hoped was a slightly pleading tone.

Both guards nodded. "That explains," one answered. "But now you know. You want hot water, you shower together."

"Even we shower with our mates to conserve the water," the other one added.

"Yes, yes, thank you for telling us," the Doctor said quickly. "Can we go take our tests now?" he asked.

"Doc, I don't think I can walk just yet even with you helping," Tegan moaned, wincing as searing pain stabbed through her leg.

He picked her up and swung her into his arms, cradling her head against his chest. "Then I'll carry you," he said calmly as he looked at their guards. "Now, can we go on?"

The Doctor looked up as the door was unlocked and Tegan walked in. She smiled tiredly at him. "Honey, I'm home," she joked.

He smiled in response, giving her a quick hug as the door was closed behind her. He'd only gotten back to their cell a few minutes ago himself. When he was sure that their captors were gone he released her and pulled a chair around for her to sit down. "How was your day?" he asked, sprawling back out in his own seat.

She flopped down with a groan. "Bloody awful. If I'd known I was destined to be a gardener I'd have paid more attention to Aunt Lavinia telling me how to pot plants." She shook her head. "Of all things, I would never have thought I'd be best working with plants." She gave her a sideways grin. "Now you, on the other hand..."

"I'll have you know I was a very famous chef in Italy once!" He told her with a small trace of pride.

"During a certain time period, you mean?"

"No, I mean the one time I cooked. The place caught on fire and burned down the day after I started. Fame is fleeting, you know."

She laughed. It seemed like several lifetimes ago that they'd taken their tests. She'd groaned when the Azim informed her that, based on her performance in over a dozen tasks, she seemed best suited to work with the plants. Now she spent her days tying vines, mixing fertilizer, harvesting and planting. And it was strange to think it, but: she actually liked the work. Helping the nutrient poor soil to return to life was like tending to a pet or a child. There was a feeling of satisfaction in knowing that, because of her, the prisoners would have enough food for the winter.

The Doctor had raised his eyebrows when told he would be assigned to work in the kitchens, but made no comment. Like Tegan, he too felt some satisfaction in what he did. He was responsible for taking inventory of supplies, calculating how much more would be needed and the most efficient ways of stretching out what staples there were. And every few days he actually cooked, testing out new recipe ideas, seeing what went over and what didn't, and working on improving flavor, quality and nutritional value. It was amusing, in a way: the Doctor, renegade Time Lord, former President of Gallifrey, destroyer of the great Vampire King, defeater of Morbius and Dalek alike, spent his time adding herbs to soups to see if it made them go down any easier. Somewhere, someone had to be laughing, the Doctor thought.

Tegan groaned, bringing a hand up to ineffectively rub at the back of her neck, and he rose and stood behind her, gently swatting her hand away and replacing it with both of his. He began kneading her muscles in slow, precise movements, and after a few seconds she purred in appreciation. "And what about you?" she asked. "What grand new mess have you concocted for us to eat tomorrow?"

He laughed. "I think I've finally worked out the vegetable mixture for the harvest stew. It was well received by the taste testers today. At least I think it was. None of the guards stunned me, so they must've liked it."

"Watch out, Julia Child," Tegan grinned. The Doctor's hands felt heavenly as they drifted down to her back. As he worked his magic on her sore muscles, Tegan marveled again at how easy it was, how natural it felt to have him do this. So much had changed in the past month. Lots of little things, really, but still. He wasn't quite as guarded and closed off from her as he used to be. And for her part she wasn't quite as antagonistic. They still argued, but it wasn't as often or as fierce as it used to be. They were mellowing with each other. She attributed this to two very significant events that had taken place: their first shower together, and their first and only escape attempt.

Her mind was drawn back to the former with a smile. He looked down at her quizzically. "What are you smiling about? Other than how amazingly talented I am at backrubs."

She chuckled quietly. "Braggart. I was thinking about the night after our testing."

At his look of confusion she added: "our first shower together."

"Oh," he said faintly, a pale flush creeping over his fair skin.

"Going all shy on me, are you?"

He gave her a look. "Time Lords aren't shy, Tegan. I believe you found that out rather quickly that first time, hmm?"

She felt an answering blush. "I suppose so." But she couldn't let it go at that. "So... if you're not embarrassed by our sharing a bath, why did you get flushed just now?"

"Did I?" he asked casually. "I'd no idea. You're looking a bit rosy yourself. Must be getting hotter in here for some reason."

"Must be," she said, equally casually.

Neither of them was fooling the other. But even after a month neither of them was quite ready to discuss the events of that day, that night.

One month earlier...

"A gardener!" Tegan managed to lace her contempt into every syllable as they walked down the hall. "A bloody gardener! I can't tell a tangerine from a tangelo half the time! How am I supposed to tend to plants! Those tests had to be wrong!"

The Doctor sighed. "Tegan, you showed high nurturing and patience qualities, though I am a bit puzzled myself as to how that came about-"

"Watch it, Emeril!," she shot back. "I'm a bit puzzled as to how they think you're suited for the kitchens! Do you know how to light a grill? Because I've never seen you cook!"

"I happen to be an excellent cook," he answered indignantly. "Besides, it's not just cooking. I showed extremely high organizational and improvisational skills."

She snorted. "On other words, you'll alphabetize the spice cabinet and instinctively know when you should use sage instead of rosemary."

"Must you take away the importance of my job?" he asked in irritation. "I don't put you down for yours, you know! You jeer at my clothes, my TARDIS, and nearly every word I say. Is there truly nothing you like about me, Tegan? Because if there isn't I'm at a complete loss as to why you're still with me."

Her eyes blinked back tears. She was shocked to discover that he was right. She did constantly belittle and berate him. Was it any wonder he kept himself closed off from her in ways that he didn't with Nyssa? How would she feel if someone treated her the way she treated him most of the time?

She didn't have time to confess or apologize. Two more guards joined them and pulled her away from the Doctor. "Where are you taking her?" he asked tightly.

"Female has to be fixed."

Tegan's eyes widened. "What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine, nothing is broken!"

"Especially her mouth," the Doctor murmured.

"You and female no mate yet. Have to fix female so you can mate without her carrying child before her time."

Tegan's blood ran cold. "How?"

"Give you shot. It will keep you from making a baby until your time comes."

"That really isn't necessary," she said hastily.

The guards frowned. "You no want to mate with your mate?"

She almost swore. Say no, and what might happen. Say yes, and...

"You're right," she said. "I need to be fixed."

As she was taken away she caught the Doctor's look of surprise. Hopefully he'd figure out she was trying to keep up appearances.

Back in their cell, that was exactly what the Doctor had figured out. He was impressed that she didn't put up a fuss that might have gotten her tapped again with a baton. But maybe that was why. The Doctor knew all too well how painful it was. And he suspected that they hadn't even been on a maximum setting the previous times.

He sighed, pulling on the hated collar, trying once more to figure out a way for them to escape. He felt sweaty and dirty and wanted desperately to take a shower, but he knew he needed to wait for Tegan.

She was brought back about half an hour later, looking a bit pale and very upset. He went to her, rested his hands on her shoulders. "Brave heart?"

At this endearment she began to sob and fell into his arms.

The Doctor stood stunned for a moment before he awkwardly gathered her close. "Tegan! Did they hurt you?"

"No," she sobbed, "I hurt me. I hurt you."

"What?"

"You were right, what you said," she choked. "I do always give you a hard time over the littlest things. It's like I can't help it. I don't want to hurt you, I've never wanted that. But every day, I do it. All because I'm so busy trying to do exactly what I accused you of. I try to keep you away, so you won't see what a small pitiful person I feel like around you. So useless, not like Nyssa. But that's not the half of it. I pick on you because... because somehow I think it's all I can do, it's the only way I can get you to notice me."

Stunned silence.

Then, after a moment, she heard an "Oh, Tegan," in a voice that almost broke her heart again. And his arms, which had been loose around her, now held her so tight she felt as though she'd never be able to move away from him. He sighed and tilted her face up to his. "Listen to me, Tegan Jovanka. You aren't small, or pitiful, or useless. You're brave, determined, fiercely loyal and painfully honest. I've never meant to make you feel inferior, or second best to Nyssa. But maybe I have. I haven't been very forthcoming myself where you're concerned. I never really stopped to think about why you always lash out at me. That's been my mistake. My vanity has been assuming it was just you being brash. Me, a being who prides himself on looking for answers, and I've never tried to scratch the surface of someone so close to me."

She sniffed. "So, what're you saying?"

His expression was as serious as she'd ever seen it. "I'm saying, let's be friends, Tegan. Really truly try to be friends."

Her tear stained eyes sparkled a bit, and her mouth turned up ever so slightly into a smile. "I... I'd like that, Doctor."

"So would I," he whispered.

They stood that way for a time, holding and being held, until Tegan moved back slightly and gave a nervous laugh. "I've just remembered: we have the problem of the shower to consider."

"It's not a problem for me," he said quietly. As she stared at him he added: "though I think it will be for you."

She shook her head slightly. "Yes. And no. I mean... hell, Doc, you've seen me before. And I've seen...well, most of you. If we're going to be friends, and not smell up the place, it's got to be done."

He smiled. "I'm relieved to hear you say that, Tegan. The last thing I want is to upset you right now."

"I'll be all right." She blew her nose into her tunic, causing him to raise his eyebrows. "Well, we've got clean clothes here," she said. "What else was I gonna wipe my nose on?"

"Quite right," he said suddenly with a laugh. "Well, then, Miss Tegan. Shall we go have our wicked shower?"

She returned the laugh. "Lead the way, Doc."


	5. Five

The problem with being cavalier, Tegan realized, was that eventually you had to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. There was, it seemed, a rather large difference between her thinking she could shower with the Doctor and not be bothered, and actually doing it. And unfortunately, unless she wanted to condemn them to a captivity filled with cold showers or going dirty, she had to do it.

Stay calm, Tegan, she ordered herself as the Doctor pulled his shirt off. Everything's fine, no need to worry, you've seen your share of naked men before...

She blinked and discovered that during her blink he'd taken off the pants as well.

O no, oh, no, I can't do this, I can't I can't I can't...

"Tegan?"

She opened her eyes... when had she closed them? And saw him-no, don't look there, or there, or bloody hell definitely not there! Front and center Tegan old girl, front and center, he has eyes look into his eyes O Gods those eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen-looking at her in puzzlement.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine!" she almost shouted. "Never better."

He tilted his head. "Then why are you nearly shouting, and why are you trying so hard not to look at me?"

"Well, erm... cripes, Doc! You're naked!"

"I'm glad you noticed."

She froze. What the hell did THAT mean?!

"Tegan, we have to be naked to take a shower."

She nodded vigorously. "Yes, I do realize that..."

"Are you in pain?" he asked, concerned. "Do you need me to help you undress?"

"What? NO!" Her words came out more forcefully than she'd intended and she sighed. "I'm sorry, Doctor. It's just... it's a little harder than I thought it was going to be."

"Really, Tegan, it's not like I have full control over it. I mean, after all... oh," he gulped. "You're talking about us taking a shower."

She laughed so hard her eyes stung with the tears. "You crazy thing! You thought I was talking about your Johnson!" she howled.

"Really, Tegan," he murmured.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, wiping her eyes. As she spoke she stripped off her clothes, thinking as she removed her shirt that he'd have his back to her by now. When she was done and looked up her breath caught.

The Doctor was looking at her-all of her, it seemed-with those dark unreadable eyes. After a moment of standing there with him staring she couldn't take it any more. "Well? Aren't you going to poke fun at me starkers?"

"I don't see anything to laugh at," he said simply.

He turned and twisted the water on, leaving her to puzzle over what he'd said. When he was done he turned back and gave her his hand. "In we go, then. Time is an illusion, but hot water doubly so."

She took his outstretched hand and let him pull her into the shower with him.

Once fully in, she moved towards the back and closed her eyes. "Go ahead, you didn't get a proper shower this afternoon."

"All right." She could hear him washing himself. It would all be fine, she thought fiercely. She'd keep her eyes closed until he was done, then they'd move around each other so she could shower...

Except how were they going to move around each other without looking at each other? Or get out of the shower? Is that what they were going to do for the rest of their imprisonment, however long that would be? Try to shower with their eyes shut?

"Bloody hell!" She growled, opening her eyes.

He turned in confusion and mild alarm at her tone. "Tegan?"

She sighed. "Sorry, Doc. I just realized how silly it would be for us to try keeping our eyes shut when we do this."

He nodded. "Well, since as you've realized the pointlessness of it, would you please do my back?" He held out the washcloth.

She was frozen for a second. Then she remembered they were going to try and be friends. Real friends, he'd said. And real friends were mature about things.

She took the cloth and he turned back around. As she soaped his back she said: "You're just so calm about this. Like it doesn't bother you a bit."

"It bothers me only in that it bothers you," he told her. "I'm not really used to thinking of my body in sexual terms. And even if I was, there's a world of difference between being naked and being intimate."

"Fair enough," she admitted, finishing his back. "Though you'd not find humans who could separate the two so easily."

He completed his rinsing off and turned to her. "I have every faith that you can," he smiled. He proceeded to move around her, hands resting lightly on her shoulders to guide her in front of the water. She began washing herself off, reflecting on everything that had just been said between them. When she handed him the washrag she was very proud of herself for the coolness of her demeanor. "If you don't mind, please?"

As he scrubbed her back she gave a tiny sigh. His touch felt so good. Odd, but good. It had been a while since a male of any species had touched her and she hadn't realized how much she had missed physical contact, even something as casual and innocent in intent as this.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No, no," she answered quickly.

"Why did you sigh, then?"

She was torn between a lie and the truth. But she was Tegan. And this was the Doctor.

"It feels nice, having my back scrubbed," she answered. There. Not a lie, just not the whole truth. What had Emily Dickinson said in one of her poems? 'Tell the truth, but tell it slant?' She chuckled to herself. Her schooling seemed to come back to her at the strangest moments.

"Guess that's another job vacancy we've filled for each other," he joked.

He finished, and she rinsed herself off as well. She could feel the hot water starting to run out. She cut the water off and stepped out of the shower, making room for him to do the same before she started drying. She dried and dressed quickly, grateful that it was warm in the cell. The doctor finished up about the same time she did, and together they went back into their room.

"Well!" he said brightly, sitting down at the table. "Now that we've been naked together, getting to know each other should be a cinch."

"Hmm! What do you have in mind, Doc?"

And they started talking. Not sparring and fighting, but really talking.

"Tegan?"

His voice brought her back to the present. "Sorry, what?"

"I asked you if you'd like me to rub your feet."

"That sounds wonderful!" She said. "But first, let me do yours. I'd say you're just as bad in need of it as I am."

"I won't dispute that," he agreed, watching as she removed his leathery sandals and took his right foot onto her lap. As she began kneading and rubbing, the Doctor closed his eyes. It did feel good to have tired sore muscles worked on. He wondered why he'd never had anyone do this for him before, or done it for any of his companions before. It hadn't occurred to him, really. He was always too busy doing other things, like outwitting Sontarans or trying to reconfigure the transtemporal stabilizers. But in their present situation, none of those things mattered. What mattered at the moment was that he had aching feet.

He, too, had begun to feel a shift in their relationship. Very slow, very subtle, but present nonetheless. Tegan's brokenhearted confession before the shower and the gentle affection between them during and after had been the first catalyst. Their escape attempt had been the second. Since that day they'd grown even closer. He was still filled with guilt and remorse about that, even though Tegan held no blame to him. It had made him vow that no matter what, he would never be a source of pain for her again. It was the first and only time they'd tried to escape, and it was a night that he would never forget...

Two weeks earlier...

"I'm telling you it'll work," the Doctor insisted. "I can pretend to be unconscious, and we get out of here."

Tegan had her arms folded, looking at him dubiously. Then she sighed. "Are you sure, Doc?"

"Of course I'm sure! Tegan, when am I wrong?"

"I can think of a few examples," she answered. "But if you really think you've figured it out now, let's give it ago."

"Good girl!" He beamed.

"I'm not a girl, I'm a woman," she grumbled.

"I'm well aware of that, Tegan. It's a figure of speech and you know it."

"Well, then, shall we put your plan into action, dear boy?" she asked pleasantly.

If he noticed her sarcasm, he was choosing to ignore it. "Yes, let's."

He crumpled himself into a heap on the floor, and Tegan summoned all her acting skills to the foray. She deliberately began taking deep, quick breaths then started pounding on the door. "Help! Somebody help! Something's wrong with the Doctor!"

She cast an eye on him, then gasped. He wasn't breathing! Oh, she realized. His respiratory bypass system. He'd kicked it on. Good thinking. It wouldn't last more than an hour or two, but they only needed a few minutes anyway. She pounded again, and looking back down saw a light on the Doctor's collar start to blink. She kept yelling, not sure if they could hear her, but wanting to be as authentic as possible.

She stepped back as the door was unlocked and two guards came in. "What is wrong?"

She gestured frantically at the Doctor. "He's not breathing! Do something!"

One guard picked the Doctor up. "We take to med section."

"I want to go with you!"

They shrugged. "Come." One of them used a small device to contact someone else. "One called Doctor in 247 is sick. Taking him and mate to med section."

They started down the hall. After a minute or so the Doctor's eyes snapped open and he leaped out of the Azim's arms, rendering him unconscious in a swift gesture. He did the same to the other guard, who was so stunned by this turn of events he hesitated too long to defend himself. Then he grinned at Tegan. "Told you."

"Come on," she snapped. "When we don't show up at the med section they'll start searching for us!"

"Right," he said, and sprinted down the hall.

They ran for what seemed like an eternity, Tegan acutely conscious of her heart hammering in her chest. When they reached one of the few outer doors they knew of

they paused, catching their breath as the Doctor studied the locking mechanism. "Keep watch," he told her. "I'll have this sorted out in a minute or two."

"We might not have a minute or two," she answered, but crouched down in the hall, half hidden by a corner of the wall.

He reached for the control panel. "Tegan, after all the progress we've made, you still have-"

He didn't get to finish the sentence. As soon as his hand contacted the panel a bolt of blue energy surged from the controls into his hand and traveled through his body. In two seconds he was on the floor with a moan.

"Doctor!" Tegan knelt beside him in terror.

"I'm all right," he whispered hoarsely. "But I can't move right now. Tegan, go find somewhere to hide. Maybe you can figure out another way out of here."

"I'm not leaving you!" she cried.

"You have to! I can't move and they'll be here any minute. Now go!"

"No!

"Tegan!"

She was saved from having to think about listening to him by a large hand jerking her up roughly from the floor. Five guards were scowling at them.

The Doctor managed a smile. "Hello there! Thank goodness you're here. We're trying to find the med section."

Five minutes later they were in a detainment room with a very angry Halda pacing back and forth in front of them. The Doctor was able to stand now, and he and Tegan had their backs to the wall, literally and figuratively. Halda stopped pacing and spun to face them.

"Whose idea was this?" She demanded.

"Mine," they both said at the same time.

Halda shook her head. "No. I think it was you," she said, pointing at the Doctor.

"Why?" he asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Tegan is too smart to have tried to escape. You must have convinced her."

"I am very persuasive when I want to be," he admitted.

"Your fault, you take punishment."

"Yes," he nodded eagerly. "All my fault. Punish me."

Halda nodded, and two guards seized Tegan and began dragging her to one end of the room where a pair of restraining cuffs dangled from the ceiling. She blanched and the Doctor's face turned ashen.

"No! I told you it was my fault, punish ME!" he shouted, moving towards Halda. He was restrained by two guards who forced him over to where Tegan was being cuffed.

"I know it was your fault," Halda said calmly. "You are being punished. Did you forget that your punishment would be to watch her suffer?"

"No!" he protested in anguish. He tried to pull free but it was impossible. He watched in horror as Tegan was secured, her eyes wide with fear, body rigid. He was moved to stand about ten feet in front of her. Two guards with batons positioned themselves behind her.

The Doctor looked away, turning to face Halda. "Please! Stop this!"

She reached out and grabbed his chin hard. "Watch!" she hissed. "If I see you look away again she will be hurt twice as bad."

He immediately turned to face Tegan, but he continued speaking to Halda. "Please, please stop this. Don't hurt her because of me! It's not right!"

"You knew the consequences when you tried to escape," she said coldly.

"I'll take the punishment! Just leave her alone!"

"Shut up!" Her hand connected with the side of his face.

He blinked back tears, his vision blurred by the liquid as he looked helplessly at Tegan. There was no anger on her face, no recrimination. Only terror.

"Please," he whispered brokenly, not caring if he got struck again.

But he didn't. Halda moved at an angle to one side of him so she could make sure he was watching. Then she nodded at the guards behind Tegan. "Begin."

"NO!" the Doctor screamed, thrashing wildly against the guards.

It was a nightmare, except he was awake. Over and over they hit Tegan. He screamed and cried until he was hoarse but nothing mattered. Blow after blow connected with her, making her twist in agony. And he watched, he had to watch: even if Halda hadn't ordered him to he would have made himself. Because it was his fault it was happening.

When they finally stopped Tegan hung limp in her bonds, barely conscious. The Doctor struggled like a wild man. "Let me go to her! Let me go to her, damn you!"

He froze, shocked at the savagery in his voice, at the word he had just uttered. He couldn't remember ever using it before.

The guards holding him looked to Halda, who nodded. They released him and he flew to Tegan's side, wrestling with the cuffs that held her. When he got her loose she promptly stumbled, and he picked her up, eyes blazing in anger as he looked at Halda.

"This is monstrous! Barbaric and monstrous!" He yelled.

"This is your punishment," she replied. "No blood was drawn: in a few weeks she will be fine. Next time, if there is a next time-"

"Next time what!" he shouted angrily.

"Next time it would not go so easy on her. The second time, legs are broken."

The blood drained from his face as he stared at Halda. "And if there's a third time?" he whispered in a cracked voice.

"The third time means death."

He was too stunned to reply, just stood holding Tegan in his arms, shaking and sickened by what he had heard.

"You are very new, so she did not get full treatment," Halda said. "This will be a lesson to you both. You will be permitted to miss two days of work to stay with her as she recovers." She gestured to the guards. "Take them back now."

The Doctor insisted on carrying Tegan himself, and they permitted him to. As he walked through the corridors, his eyes bleak and his mouth set in a grin line, she moaned.

"Doctor..."

"Shush, Tegan. I'll put you to bed soon."

"I hurt... so much," she cried softly.

His hearts squeezed like a vise. He shuddered.

"So much..."

"I know, darling, I know," he whispered. "Just a little longer, and then we'll be back in our room."

Through the red haze of pain Tegan's mind replayed his sentence. Darling? Had he really said that?

"I can't... move, can hardly talk," she murmured.

"Then don't do either," he said, in a gentle voice.

"What will we do..."

"Don't worry," the Doctor whispered. "I'll take care of you. I promise."

Now they had reached their room and were locked in again. The Doctor immediately put her on the bed, then brought her some water and held her up while she sipped it. When she'd had enough, instead of easing her down again, he slowly pulled on her shirt.

"Doc?" She asked in a slurred voice.

"I need to check you, Tegan, and see just how badly you're hurt," he told her.

She didn't have any strength to protest. His hands were gentle as lambs as he took off her clothes, but it still caused her renewed pain. He talked to her the entire time, nonsense talk that seemed to soothe her a bit. When he'd removed the shirt and trousers he tenderly lay her back, and as her eyes closed and opened he looked at her.

Bruises everywhere. Dark mottled purple and green bruises. No blood, as Halda said, but she looked like a grotesque patchwork quilt. He shuddered again in renewed anger and guilt.

"How... am I?" she asked.

"Bruised," he told her. "Badly bruised. Nothing more."

"This time," she slurred.

"There won't be a next time," he said fiercely.

He started to dress her again, but she winced with pain so much he hesitated. "Leave them off," she said faintly. "I don't care."

He nodded. "Do you want more water?"

"I want you," she murmured. "Lie down with me, please..."

He did so without hesitation. As he stretched out beside her the light went out for the night. He felt her hand weakly brush against his face.

"Please..." her voice trailed off as if she didn't have the strength to finish the sentence. But he knew what she wanted.

He carefully took her in his arms, holding her as lightly as possible, not wanting to cause her more pain. She sighed and moved slightly against him. It was then that the dam holding his emotions at bay burst.

Tegan heard him gasping, shuddering, and reached out to touch him again. She was stunned to find his face wet with tears. "Doc?"

He took her hand in his, kissed it, then pressed it to his face. "I am so sorry, Tegan," he whispered in a choked voice. "I am so, so sorry."

"We knew the risks," she said through gritted teeth. "My choice as much as yours..."

"But I should have known. I should have realized the door panel would be trapped," he said angrily. Tears slipped down his cheeks, but he made no move to brush them away. "I was stupid to think it would be that easy. And my stupidity has cost us our freedom and your injuries."

"Can't win em' all, Doc."

He laughed, a strangled strained sound. "You should be furious with me right now, Tegan. You should be cursing me, yelling at me, something."

"Too much effort, too much pain," she said. "Besides, I'm not angry with you."

He released her hand and wiped his face. "It doesn't matter, because I'm angry with me." He looked at her, her features not completely clear in the dark but enough for him to see how bad her pain was. "I'm going to do something, Tegan, something to ease your pain."

"Cripes, Doc, that's a tall order even for you," she began, but stopped talking abruptly when she felt him leaning over her.

He lowered his head so close, she could feel his breath at her ear. "Doc?"

"Hush, Tegan," he said gently.

His hands smoothed her hair back from her forehead, touched her face ever so gently, stroking it with his fingertips. Tegan was motionless, the feel of his hands on her combined with the pain stunning her into silence.

He kissed the top of her head, fingers continuing to caress her face, and she felt the pain begin to recede, to flow out of her battered and exhausted body. A pleasant languor stole over her, leaving her warm and relaxed. She was drowsy now, the pain continuing to fade away, bringing with the release a sweet sense of peace.

"That's some medicine, Doc," she chuckled.

He exhaled softly. "Good. Go to sleep now, Tegan."

"Don't leave me," she pleaded quietly.

"I'm not leaving you, Tegan," he assured her. "I'll be right here, holding you all night."

She sighed in contentment, snuggling closer to him. "Good night, Doctor."

He kissed her forehead. "Sleep well, Tegan, brave heart of the TARDIS."

She drifted off almost immediately. But it was a long time before he could sleep.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hobson was T. Hobson, an English liveryman who offered his customers the choice of renting the horse near the stable door or none at all, hence the word "Hobson's choice."

An hour or so later the Doctor felt Tegan stir, heard her whimper in her sleep. Nightmare, probably. She shivered and cried out. He pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, nestled her closer to him. "Shh," he soothed. "You're safe now."

Even in sleep his voice seemed to soothe her. She quieted and relaxed in his arms as though she had heard him talking, could feel the strength of his embrace. Only when he was certain that she was all right did he sigh and close his eyes.

He was aware that he was being rather affectionate with her. But he was also aware that it wasn't bothering him the way he once would have thought it might. She was very fragile right now. She needed his emotion, his support. And more than that, he wanted to give it to her. The disaster of their escape attempt filled his mind, a poison eating away at his thoughts and feelings with no antidote in sight. Logically he knew Tegan was right: it was foolish to heap the coals of blame upon his head. But he could still hear a voice, a nagging mocking voice telling him: if you'd not been so arrogant, she wouldn't have been hurt.

"Shut up," he whispered desperately.

You'll not silence me that easily. Look at her, how pitiful, how wracked with pain. And still she stands by you, still she holds you blameless. What a lucky fool you are.

"I said shut up!" he hissed, squeezing his eyes shut tight and burying his face into his pillow.

The voice subsided, but he could feel the fading laughter like fingernails on a blackboard. Tegan turned over, squinting at him with half open eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked sleepily.

"Nothing," he assured her quickly, perhaps too quickly.

"Who were you talking to?"

He sighed. "Myself."

"Well kindly tell yourself to pipe down, would you?"

He laughed. "I'm sorry." He gently turned her onto her other side, facing away from him, and spooned his body against hers. "Is your pain still gone?"

"Mmm-hmm. Thanks to you," she murmured. Some vague fuzzed part of her brain was trying to sort out this sudden showing of tenderness, but it was too much effort and she decided just to accept that he was trying to give her a human sense of comfort. She gave herself back over to sleep without hesitation, knowing that he would be beside her when she woke.

A few hours later, when she awoke again, this time in pain, he was there, taking the pain away, fingers stroking her face as before. "What're you doing, exactly, when you do that?" she asked.

"Touching the pain receptors, temporarily shutting them down with my mind," he replied. "Not too difficult, just takes a little time."

"How come I've never seen you to that for yourself?"

"Because it doesn't work on my physiology."

"Bad luck, that," she told him.

He nodded. "When I'm injured, I go into a healing trance. I don't feel the pain then: I don't feel anything then, actually, as I'm unconscious."

She laughed. "You're funny even when you're not trying to be."

"Yes, my sense of humor is a saving grace, I've been told," he answered with a smile. She cuddled close to him, enjoying having him hold her, supremely happy to be rid of the pain that had wracked her body so ruthlessly earlier. "Thank you, Doctor," she whispered.

He shook his head. "No need to thank me when it was my fault you were in pain," he said bitterly.

She groaned in exasperation. "Doc, we're not going through all that again, are we? I told you I don't blame you and I meant it."

"And I told you I DO blame me," he snapped back.

"Don't argue with me, I'm the injured one here, remember?" she said firmly. "Not your fault. We both chose to try and escape, didn't we? Yes. So that's that." As if to emphasize her words she wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed in a brief but fierce hug.

He sighed as she released him and turned over, pulling him with her so that his back was to her, sliding an arm around his chest. "Now to go sleep, you fool Time Lord," she ordered with a grin.

"Yes, Madam Tegan," he replied, a hint of affectionate sarcasm evident in his tone.

"Good. About time you listened to me."

"Like you listen to me?"

"If you'd listened to me on Driog Nine, we'd have avoided a lot of unpleasant mess!"

"And as I recall..."

On and on they went, but it was a very different sort of sparring than their usual battles. It was teasing and warm, mingled with laughter and smiles. After a time it made them both feel relaxed and sleepy, and they drifted off into slumber, bodies still close.

"Doctor?"

Now it was his turn to be pulled from his musings. "Yes, Tegan, that feels fantastic."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, you didn't hear a word I said."

"I most certainly did!"

"Then what did I say?"

"Um, which part?"

"Any part."

He sighed. "Ok, you got me. I was thinking."

"About what?"

Silence. Then, in a quiet reflective voice: "The night we tried to escape."

She groaned.

"No, not like that," he said hastily. "I was thinking about how our... interaction with other has changed in the past month. For the better, I mean," he added.

"Yeah, I suppose being locked up together will do that to people," she answered, her expression thoughtful. "Because you can't run."

He raised his eyebrows.

"In normal life, when you don't want to face things, it's easy," she explained. "You can get up and walk out of the room, leave the mess and deal with it later or sweep it under the rug. Or in your case, you can land the TARDIS and get us into some new adventure. But here, like this, there's nowhere to go but head on to deal with whatever the problem is. We don't have distractions, don't have another recourse. It's just you and me and whatever bull we've got to seize by the horns."

He nodded, a smile brightening his boyish features. "Very perceptive, Tegan."

"I have my moments," she said airily.

"You do indeed," he said solemnly. "You do indeed."

She gave him a warm smile and lowered his foot to the floor. "There! Good as new. Well, close enough, anyways."

"Yes. Would you like your feet rubbed now, or after we shower?" he asked.

"Mmm, after, please. I'm not very sweaty but I do have some aching back muscles that a shower would do wonders for."

"What, and a backrub from me wouldn't?" he asked indignantly.

"I wasn't about to ask for a proper backrub. You've done so much with what you already gave me, and the foot rub will be great as well," she said.

He sighed. "Tegan, I don't mind rubbing your back. I don't like you being in pain, you know."

"I know," she said quietly. "I just don't want to... well..."

She broke off, flustered, and he stared at her blankly. "Don't want to what?"

"Oooo, men!" she growled. "I don't care what species you are, sometimes you're all so thickheaded it's not even funny!"

"Perhaps," he said. "But you still haven't answered my question."

She lowered her head and mumbled something that for all the universe sounded to him like: "I duon totay avanich afew."

"Tegan, I couldn't understand a word you said," he told her in exasperation. "Would you please just be straightforward with me? Beating around the bush is so unlike you it's disconcerting."

She raised her head, eyes sparking a bit, then sighed deeply. "I said, I don't want to take advantage of you, all right? Ever since what happened two weeks ago you've bent over backwards to take care of me, and while I appreciate your intentions, it's not fair for me to keep letting you. And besides that..."

"Go on," he said levelly.

"I don't know what your reasons are," she finished.

"My reasons?" he echoed.

"Yes." Suddenly she was very serious. "I don't want you doing all this out of guilt, or remorse, or pity."

He looked as though she'd struck him. "I see," he said quietly, glancing down at his feet. "And I suppose my wanting to "take care of you," as you say, could have nothing at all to do with you being my friend, with me trying to be caring and kind. No, I only have the ulterior motives of trying to assuage my guilt and blame."

"I didn't mean it that way!" she protested angrily.

"Didn't you?" he retorted, his own anger evident. "I'm incapable of having any emotions like that? Isn't that what you think? Go on, admit it: you think I'm little more than a living machine at times, don't you?!"

"This is not you, Doctor!" she cried. "This isn't how you act with anyone. This isn't how you feel about your friends, about me!"

"How the devil would you know how I feel about you when even I don't understand it!" he shouted.

Both of them stood frozen, staring at each other: she in shock, he in defiance. He saw that she was trembling and wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't doing the same. In an infinite second he saw nearly every possible emotion cross her face: fear, hope, despair, sadness, joy, hate, and love. Her lips quivered and she backed away from him.

"What does that mean?" she whispered.

He sighed, closing and opening his eyes as though in pain. "I don't know," he replied helplessly.

She shook her head, slowly, violently. "No," she whispered again. "You can't say that to me. You can't tell me something like that, then say you don't know what it means, you can't say things like that to me at all, you don't know what you're saying, you don't mean it..." as she babbled she was slowly backing up further and further, hands curled into fists, looking as though she was about to flee. She jumped when she encountered the wall, spinning about with a sharp cry, turning every which way to try and find a place to run, to hide...

"There's nowhere to go, Tegan." His voice was gentle now, but firm, resigned. "There's nowhere for either of us to go but head on, isn't that what you said?"

"No," she whimpered. "I can't deal with this. I can't." She slid bonelessly to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees and tucking herself into a ball. He approached her slowly and she flinched. "Stay away from me!" she cried weakly.

He laughed, sadly, bitterly. "And where would you like me to go?"

She began to cry, and he slowly went to her side, knelt beside her on the floor. He put his arms around her, and instead of protesting she sobbed into his shoulder. He rocked her back and forth, nuzzling his face in her hair. "I'm sorry, Tegan. Why do we always end up hitting at each other?"

After a few minutes she calmed again, raising her head to look at him. "Maybe Keelan was right?" she joked feebly, then groaned. "Gods, I can't believe I SAID that! I'm sorry, Doc! That was so out of line!"

The Doctor remembered very clearly what she was talking about. A few days after the escape attempt, they'd gone to one of the socials. They spent time with Rina and Lals, and met some prisoners they hadn't met before, including a humanoid named Keelan and his wife Saleya. They'd gotten into a sparring match, nothing major, but it was enough to put everyone in the group into fits of laughter.

Keelan wiped his eyes. "It's easy to see that you two are lovers," he gasped. "The way you go at it."

"Actually, we aren't," Tegan said before the Doctor could even open his mouth. "We're just friends."

"Friends, eh? I've never seen friends act the way you two do," he winked.

"But we are," Tegan protested stubbornly.

Saleya giggled. "There's an awful lot of sparks between you, just to be friends!"

"That's the truth!" Keelan agreed. He grinned. "Take my word for it," he told Tegan in a low voice so the others wouldn't hear. "You two don't need to fight, you need to fuck."

She'd stared at him, mouth hanging open and eyes as big as saucers. The Doctor was about to have a few not entirely civilized words with him over his language when their time was up and they were taken back to their cell. They'd not seen Keelan and Saleya since, but the Doctor hadn't forgotten his words. Neither, apparently, had Tegan.

She'd expected him to give a small laugh, shake his head, anything to break the tension and diffuse their heightened emotional states. Instead his expression was contemplative.

"His language was crude and his input improper, but yes, perhaps he was right, Tegan," the Doctor said slowly, as though unraveling threads of thought and holding them up for inspection before starting to weave them together.

"That's not funny, Doc," she said lightly, trying desperately to get the conversation back on less treacherous ground.

He looked at her steadily, blue eyes serene. "I'm not joking."


	7. Seven

She pulled out of his arms and sat back on her heels to look at him. "Well you bloody well aren't serious!" she exclaimed.

She looked closely at his face.

"Doc. You cannot, can not, CAN NOT be serious!"

He titled his head, amused at the triplication of her denial. "Why not?"

"Why not? Hell's teeth! Where would you like me to start?!"

His gaze was still calm, but his words had a slight edge to them. "I'd like for you to start with what Halda told us yesterday."

His words dispelled her steam, and she sighed and slumped against the wall. He moved to sit beside her, both of them cross-legged, not touching but close enough to touch. She didn't answer, and he gave her a wry smile. "Or do I need to refresh your memory?"

She still said nothing, but he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was remembering...

* * * * * *

"You two! Come here. I will speak with you!"

The Doctor looked up from the wooden puzzle he was carving to find that Halda was pointing at him and Tegan. Tegan sat beside him, sewing one of her shirts that had been ripped. It had been odd at first, sewing with a needle made of bone, but she'd quickly gotten used to it. Everything sharp they were allowed to have was made of bone, and they were only allowed to have such items in the crafting room. Under the laundry system each prisoner was given seven outfits a week, and on the sixth day they were all collected and washed and the clean ones brought back on the seventh day. If you had a tear or rip in anything you were expected to mend it yourself during crafting time.

Tegan had glanced up as well: all the prisoners had, fear and curiosity on their faces. She frowned, and the Doctor frowned, but both of them rose, surrendered their implements to guards, and were escorted out by Halda and three other Azim.

They were taken into a detention room, and Tegan felt a sharp stab of panic, unable to stop herself from thinking about her torture. The Doctor heard her gasp and reached out, grasping one of her hands in his. They stood quietly and waited for Halda to speak.

"You have been here almost a month."

The Doctor was puzzled. "Yes."

"In all this time," Halda continued, "you have not mated."

Tegan gulped.

"Why is that?" Halda asked.

The Doctor cleared his throat nervously. "Surely we do not have to mate in a certain time frame," he began, but Halda stopped him by stabbing a finger in his direction.

"Something is not right about male and female who are bonded who don't mate," she said flatly. "I want to know what it is."

"Why?" Tegan asked angrily. "What does it matter if we screw like rabbits or abstain like monks? It isn't our time in the schedule yet to try and have a child!"

"Crass, but well said," the Doctor murmured.

Halda shook her head. "I do not know what a rabbit or a monk is, but I know that it is not part of the way for you not to be mating. You consented to the shot readily," she accused, looking at Tegan with a hard stare.

"Well I'm sorry that we don't mate on demand," Tegan snapped. "Tough luck for you, that."

"Perhaps you are not truly paired," Halda said. "Perhaps you only act like you are so you can stay together."

"Why does it matter?" The Doctor asked darkly. "Why is it so important for us to be a pair? Why couldn't we be together and not be bonded?"

"It is disruptive!" Halda stormed. "And if there is no attachment between you, you will not be kept under control so easily."

"You know very well that we are attached," Tegan retorted. "We tried to escape together, and the Doctor begged you to let him take my punishment! How much more attached could we be!"

"Not enough," Halda said. "How will you mate if you are not bonded?"

Tegan didn't have an answer for that. "I thought so," Halda said triumphantly. "Since you are not paired together, you can live with another just as easily."

"And how do you think the mating will take place then?" Tegan asked sarcastically.

Halda shrugged. "Your consent is not required to produce a child," she replied matter-of-factly. "And there are many other males here."

Tegan gasped and staggered back as she understood what Halda meant. "You're talking about having me raped and impregnated! You can't do that!"

"I can, and I will," Halda answered calmly. The Doctor was in shock.

"Why?" Tegan cried, anguished. "Why won't you just let me stay with the Doctor! You can't force me to have sex with some stranger, you can't! I won't let you!" She screamed.

"Tegan!" Halda warned. Guards came to stand behind Tegan and the Doctor.

"I'll kill myself first!" Tegan shouted.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Halda and Tegan both looked at the Doctor, stunned into silence by his roar. His face was ghostly white, and he trembled with anger, his eyes chips of icy blue fire.

"If the only way that Tegan and I can stay together is by pairing off sexually, then that is what we will do," he said in a voice even colder than his eyes.

Tegan nearly fainted. Halda looked skeptical. "Why now? If she means so much to you, why are you not mates already?"

"That doesn't matter!" he barked. "What matters is, we will be mates now, completely, if you will let us stay together."

She still looked unconvinced. He sighed. "Give us a few days. I promise you we will do as you order."

She nodded. "Very well. You have three days. If you have not mated by then, I will take Tegan and put her with another male."

The walk back to their cell was long and bleak.

* * * * * *

Tegan finally sighed. "I'd managed to forget about that for a time, thank you very much."

He nodded. "I'd like for it not to matter," he said quietly. "But it does."

She rested her chin on her knees, looking glum. "So, we have two more days to deliver on the promise," she said. She looked at the Doctor; this being that was her friend, her best friend in the whole universe other than Nyssa, that she was supposed to shag to suit their captor's sense of peace and harmony.

"Yes."

"Doc, I'm sorry, but... how could you do it? How could you make a promise like that to Halda knowing you can't keep it? Have you got a plan that'll get us out of here in the next day or two that you've not told me about?" she asked hopefully.

He looked at her levelly. "No, I don't have a plan, and yes, I can keep that promise. WE can."

"But how?"

He was laughing. Laughing at her! "I don't see what's so funny," she said tartly.

"I never would've thought I'd need to explain sex to you, Tegan," he chuckled.

Realization dawned on her. "You mean you want us to... really... actually..."

"Really, actually, truly," he assured her.

Tegan was infinitely thankful that she was already on the floor: it saved her the trouble of falling. "Oh, Doc," she said helplessly.

"Is it such an unbearable thought?" he asked quietly.

She glared at him, suspecting he was needling her. He saw the glare. "I'm serious, Tegan. Is sex with me a totally unwelcome concept?"

She sighed. "Under these circumstances, I'd not want to take any man to bed. But circumstances notwithstanding..."

He waited. "Yes?"

"You tell me first," she said quickly.

"Not fair," he chuckled.

"Isn't it?" she asked softly. "You're the one who up until about a month ago barely spoke with me beyond the obvious or the superficial. Do you expect me to think you're enjoying the idea of this?"

"No, I don't enjoy the idea of this at all," he told her honestly. "But it has everything to do with being coerced into it and nothing to do with Tegan Jovanka."

She stared at him in wonder.

He nodded. "Oh, yes. You want a confession? You want me to tell you that I've thought of you? That part of the reason I kept you at arm's length was because I was afraid of you? Of what I suspected I could feel for you? All right, then, I admit it. I rather think we're past the point of admissions hurting us, don't you?"

"Yes," she said faintly. Something he'd said nagged at her. "What was the other part?"

"What?"

"You said that was PART of the reason you kept me at bay," she explained. "What was the other part?"

He smiled again. "You're very beastly at times."

To her amazement she laughed. "I can't dispute that! But, you know, I did tell you why that was..."

"Yes," he agreed. "And it confirmed what I'd believed for a while now."

"Which was what, pray tell?"

His eyes were warm and soft as he looked at her. "That you felt much the way I did."

She sighed. "You've laid yourself on the line for me. I owe you the same."

He started to speak, but she held up a hand. "No, I want to say it." She drew a deep breath. "Yes, you're right again, blast it. I've thought of you, wanted you on some level. But I knew it was a stupid idea. So I never told you how I felt."

"That must have been difficult," he said gently. "I know there were times when I wanted to tell you how I felt, especially since I thought it was the same with you, but like you I couldn't do it..."

"Great," she quipped. "We have a prison warden to thank for the confession of our feelings." But she managed a smile, and he managed to return it.

"Not how I'd have wanted it to happen," he agreed. "But it's done."

"Yes," she nodded. They stared at each other for a moment. "So... what now?" she breathed.

He glanced down, suddenly looking shy. "I don't have much experience," he admitted.

"Neither do I."

His surprise must have shown on his face, because she scowled. "Had me labeled as the whore of Babylon, did you?"

"No, no," he said quickly. "I just assumed, I suppose, because you're human..."

"I've warned you once before about making assumptions," she grinned, anger gone as fast as it had arrived.

"And I have assuredly made an ass out of me, if not you as well," he answered. "I'm sorry, Tegan, that was an unfair assumption on my part."

She nodded. "Well, now that we've established that we fancy each other and that neither of us is a Casanova..."

"Yes?"

She burst into laughter. "This is completely stark raving mad!"

He laughed with her. When their amusement had calmed he took her hands in his. "I'm glad we're able to laugh about this," he said.

"Why is that?"

"Humor is a wonderful survival tool," he said. "If we can keep our sense of humor with this insanity around us, we can survive it."

"Sensible," she murmured.

"Yes, but I'll try not to be tonight," he said quietly.

"What, sensible?"

He nodded. "If this has to happen, at least we can give each other what pleasure we can. I'll not have you feeling like you're being raped."

"But I am," she said gently. "And so are you. It's just that instead of someone else doing it, we're doing it to each other."

He looked distinctively unhappy at her words. "I don't want to think of it that way, Tegan."

"Neither do I, Doc. So... how about we just do what you said, try to give each other what we can, and think of it as something that might have happened someday on its own?"

"That's a marvelous plan," he told her.

She scooted over and sat between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, and she wrapped her arms around his. She tilted her head back onto his shoulder, and he turned and brushed his lips against her cheek.

She sighed, the quiet sound a stark contrast to the tension in her features. "You have to admit it's wacked, though," she said after a while. "Us doing this as a Hobson's choice."  
"Hobson's choice? I don't understand the reference," he replied.

"What, you mean I know something you don't?" she asked in delight.

He shook his head. "Tegan, I'm certain there are many things you know that I don't, you needn't act so surprised by this."

"If you say so. But I do wish I had my diary here..."

"Why don't you stop being so dramatic and tell me about Hobson's choice?"

"Well, the word came from a liveryman in England named Hobson, natch, who would tell customers they could take the horse near the stable door or none at all."

"I see," he said. "So the choice wasn't really a choice at all. Hence your comparison."

"Right again, Doc. If I have to choose between being taken from you and put with Gods only know what sort of being and us... well," she trailed off, glancing at her hands as though she'd never seen them before. "It's not really a choice," she finished.

"I agree," he told her. "Why do you think I told Halda we'd...pair off?"

Tegan chuckled. "For goodness sake, listen to us. Both of us dancing around putting a name to it like it's a wild animal in a cage. Why can't we just say it?"

"Putting a name to it would make it... more clinical, I think," he reflected. "Rather like discussing a science project."

She looked up at him. "You're really serious about that, aren't you?" she asked. "You really want this to be all moons and stars and flowers."

"I want this to be as pleasant and painless as possible," he said.

"I won't argue that," she answered.

He stared at her for so long it unnerved her, and she glanced down at her hands again. "How much longer til lights out, do you think?" she asked.

He considered. "Not long. Another hour or so. Why?"

"Because, O great Time Lord, we still have a shower to take," she told him.

"Then we'd best take it," he murmured. "That's good, very good."

"Why do you say that?"

He arched his brows. "I believe that it will help set the mood, as you humans would say."

To her chagrin Tegan found herself blushing, and hating it. She was inexperienced, but she wasn't an innocent virgin. Why, then, did she suddenly feel as shy as a new bride on her wedding day? She was having an old fashioned case of the jitters... over the Doctor?

He took her hand is his and pulled them both to their feet, and she was shocked by the abrupt jolt that his touch created. And then she knew why she was having these feelings. They were part of her attraction to him, her physical desire for him. A desire that, up until now, had been ruthlessly suppressed and stamped down; a desire that she had thought could not, would not, ever see the light of day. Now that hunger was breaking free of the restraints she'd kept it in for so long. A hunger that, once it had found substance, shape, did not want to be ignored or denied.

He caught her shiver and felt the slightest answering spark flare up from deep within himself. He knew she was nervous, hesitant. He had to admit that he felt the same. Recognizing that they had to do this was very different from having the option of picking a time, a place. He wasn't used to being ordered to do anything: well, except surrender or divulge Time Lord secrets to hostile beings bent on taking over the universe. He could imagine few things more stressful for a friendship than being told you had to "mate" with each other. He couldn't think how it would be if he and Tegan didn't have feelings for each other, or if it had been Nyssa here with him instead of Tegan, or if Turlough were still with them and Tegan had been paired with him. He almost smiled at that last thought-what a mess that would've been!

As it stood, the situation that he and Tegan were in was bad enough. The fact that there was mutual attraction between them beyond friendship wasn't going to change their circumstances. He sighed, realizing that his train of thought was going to take him directly to a station of negativity. It wasn't productive or beneficial. It was indisputable that, for the present, their reality was being dictated to them. But it was up to them to decide how to react to it, how to accept it.

"That was an awfully heavy sigh," Tegan commented. She squeezed his hand.

He smiled faintly. "Just considering our plight."

"I thought we weren't going to think too much on that," she said, trying to tease him.

"We're not," he murmured. "I'm finished with introspection for the evening."

He pushed open the bathroom door and drew her in after him, closing it behind them. Their captors had never entered their room after evening meal before, but he was taking no chances. He turned to see Tegan staring at the floor, chewing on her lower lip.

"Tegan..."

She moved with the suddenness of someone who must, at all costs, no longer stand still, and placed herself in front of him. She pressed two fingers gently to his lips. "Don't," she murmured. "You and I have already had enough words to last the rest of your lives."

He drew a shaky breath that could have been laughter, could have been agreement, taking her hand and kissing the fingertips. "I could get used to that," she sighed.

"I thought you said no talking," he chided.

"So I did," she answered. She paused. "Well, perhaps a little talking would be all right..."

"Really, Tegan, please stop changing the rules on me in midstride," he said, a twinkle gleaming in his eyes. "Would you like me to talk or not?"

"Mmm," she purred, reaching up to cup his chin in her hand. "Maybe later. Right now I want something entirely different."

He gazed into her eyes, noticing for the first time the soft flecks of moss and gold hidden within their depths. She leaned closer to him and he felt his hearts beating a little harder, a little faster. "Which is?" he asked hoarsely.

She reached up and pulled him down into a kiss.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyric is "Two Months Off" by Underworld.

He gasped reflexively, body rigid in surprise even though he knew it was coming. She caressed his lips with her tongue, gently sliding it across, teasing the corners, but he didn't seem to understand what she wanted.

"You're not helping here, you know," she whispered.

He closed his eyes. "Sorry. I told you I'm not very experienced."

"Hang experience, Doc: relax."

"I'll try," he said softly, opening his eyes to look into hers. "This... the practice is very different from the theory, isn't it?"

She smiled. "Yes, it is. But you'll be fine. We'll be fine."

"I'm not... I don't really know what to do," he said plaintively. "I haven't done this since my third incarnation..."

He suddenly looked so forlorn, so lost. She smiled again and brought her mouth close to his. "Close your eyes and open your mouth, for starters."

He nodded trustingly, like a child, slowly closing his eyes. This time when she kissed him his lips parted and her tongue slid forward to gently tangle with his. He gasped again, but made no attempt to pull away. He whispered something, a strange musical word that flowed off his tongue and slid into her open mouth like liquid.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Rain," he whispered in English. "You taste like the spring rains on Gallifrey, Tegan."

"Is that good?" she chuckled.

"Yes."

"Right," she murmured, and kissed him again.

His lips joined with hers in a gentle dance, caressing and teasing in a slow steady tempo that left them both breathless. Tegan felt her world contract, narrow to a point where there was only a long tunnel and he was the light at the end of that darkness. Insanely, she thought of the lyrics of an Earth song and breathed some of them aloud, so quietly he barely heard her speak, and couldn't make out what she'd said.

"Your turn," he whispered.

"It's silly."

"Tell me anyway."

"We need to get a shower."

"We'll compromise. Tell me while we take our shower." He proceeded to quickly remove her clothes, then his, then backed her up and into the stall, slipping in behind her and turning on the water.

As the steamy streams washed over him the Doctor felt some of his nervousness dissipate. Emboldened by the kisses, he took the cloth from Tegan's hands, smiling down into her questioning eyes.

"If you don't mind?" he asked.

His voice was so matter-of-fact she wanted to laugh. He looked so earnest, rivets of water sliding down his pale shoulders onto hers, wringing the washcloth in his hands as though it were a security blanket. It wouldn't do for her to laugh, not right now, not when he so obviously had plucked up his courage to take some initiative. Instead she smiled and said: "I don't mind."

He nodded, reached for the soap, and for the first time in his lives looked at Tegan, really fully looked at her, not just with the eyes of friendship but also with a trepid gaze of the desire that he was struggling to assimilate and accept.

He'd always thought she was lovely: in the same way that he found stained glass and lotus flowers lovely. There were no levels of distinction for him, no differentiations. If there was beauty, there was beauty. Words that human males might have used, descriptions like "hot" or "raver" wouldn't enter his mind, because when he looked at Tegan, he saw something other than lustrous curls, nubile breasts, shapely hips, though she certainly possessed those qualities.

He saw a Tegan who'd stood by his side through war and devastation. A woman whose brash words and fiery temper had both annoyed and delighted him in equal measure. A friend who'd helped him mourn the death of a friend and companion without blaming him for that death. And a kindred spirit whose body had been tattooed with bruises, damage that he still felt responsible for, who still looked at him with nothing but faith and devotion in her dark eyes. This was the measure of her, Tegan Jovanka: brighter than the sun, higher than the sky, deeper than any ocean could ever be. She had been the voice of his conscience, his fervor, his hopes and dreams, the half that made him whole.

The sudden staggering realization of these things made him reel: the understanding borne of their anger, pain, and helplessness, the unexpected tenderness and longing that had been brought to life in him, yearning for expression and release. He felt tears form in his eyes, he wanted to weep, to gather her to him and whisper words to her that did not yet exist, to give her things that he had not found or bought yet, to keep this shining jewel of a human being near him always. And the hunger, the physical ache for her that had once been nonexistent, then subliminal, then controllable was now insatiable, no longer struggling against his ignorance and biology and culture but rising to claim its rightful place, to rule him with utter sovereignty. He was no longer afraid to serve it: the question was, would he be able to be a loyal, dedicated subject?

He looked down to see his hands trembling against her breasts as he soaped them, being gentle with her dark pink nipples, the soft globes filling his palms. With a visible effort he stilled the shaking, moved them down to the flat plane of her stomach. "You were going to tell me what you said," he reminded her in an unsteady voice.

She grinned. "I was, was I?"

"Yes. Quid pro quo, you know."

"Using Latin on me, are you my fine fellow?" she smirked. "I know what that means, and I'll hold you to it later in a very different way, Doctor!"

"I've no doubt of that," he assured her. "Now, go on."

She sighed, realizing he wasn't going to let her off the hook. "It's from a song by a band called Underworld," she said. "The song is called 'Two Months Off,' it was one of their biggest hits."

"And the words?"

Another sigh.

"Tegan, I told you what I said," he reminded her gently as he knelt before her to wash her legs and feet. "It's not like you to be shy."

"I'm not being shy!" she said. "I just... I'm afraid you'll think it foolish."

"And you suddenly care about what I think?" he asked, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

"Ohh, all right!" she growled. But she was smiling. He had finished, and she grabbed the washcloth from him as he rose, her gaze sliding of its own accord down his bare chest to the light brown thatch of hair between his legs. Oh, my... she thought.

He cleared his throat loudly, and her eyes jerked up to see him grinning at her. "Admiring the view?" he asked in a polite voice.

She blushed again; she couldn't help it, silently vowing to find a way to make him squirm later. Pretending not to have heard him, she quickly set to her task of washing him. He didn't press, just closed his eyes and absorbed the foreign but not unpleasant sensation of being touched. When she'd finished with the front she turned him around to do his backside, and as she cleansed the satiny skin she began to sing to him in a soft voice.

"You bring light in...  
To a dark place  
Walking in light  
Glowing walking in light  
Gold ring around you  
The heat of you  
The golden sunlight of you..."

When she was finished she'd finished bathing him as well, and she turned off the water and grabbed a towel. He caught her hand in his, and she was startled by the fierceness of his grip through the cloth, the warmth she felt where usually he was so cool.

"Why did you say you were afraid I'd think that foolish?" he asked gently.

She shrugged. "I didn't figure you'd go in for that sort of thing," she replied.

"Didn't you," he answered slowly, reflectively. "Yes, I suppose I can understand that."

She handed him a towel as she stepped out, expecting him to start drying off with it. She was surprised to feel him drying her off instead. She made a soft sound of contentment, reciprocating when he'd finished, watching the expressions that crossed his face as her small, strong hands went to work.

When she was done she tossed both their towels away and looked up at him, hands on her hips. "And?"

He leaned down and kissed her, quickly but thoroughly, breath caressing her face.

"I liked it."

"Really?" she asked, surprise and delight evident on her features.

"Yes." He pulled her closer to him, resting his mouth at her ear. "Now... why don't we find out what else I can surprise you with?"

Her laugh was smoky, shaky. "You're awfully brazen all of a sudden!"

He inclined his head. "Well. I have to do my part, don't I?"

His words, which were meant to amuse her, made her sad. "Oh, Doc," she sighed, hating the tears she felt glimmering in her eyes but unable to make them stop.

"Tegan?" Instantly he slipped his arms about her, pulling her to him, feeling the odd singular beat of her heart against his chest. "What's wrong? Is it what I said?"

"No, Doc. I mean yes, but no, it's not what you said..." she let the tears fall hot and free on his soft bare shoulder. "It's this. This whole bloody situation. I know what you've said makes sense... in here," she said, tapping lightly on her temple. "But in here," she said, putting a finger over her heart, "I'm tangled up and twisted and hating the way this has happened."

It was his turn to sigh, holding her closely, fiercely, as though to take away the pain she obviously felt. "So am I," he whispered back. "I almost would rather us have declared feelings for each other while running from Daleks." She laughed, a small weak laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. "At least we would've been out there, reasonably free, not clinging to each other like frightened caged animals."

"Thanks for the lovely analogy!" she spluttered with a grin. "Next you'll be offering to pick nits off of me!"

"I've not seen any yet," was his playful reply. Then he sighed again. "I simply meant-"

"There is no "simply" where you're concerned, Doc," she interjected wryly.

"Yes, well, be that as it may," he smiled. "But my point is, I, too, would rather this have

come out with us on the TARDIS, in the cloisters or the reading room, anywhere, just not with us locked up together being ordered to do something that should be chosen freely."

She nodded. "You do understand."

He looked down at her, aghast. "Of course I do, Tegan. Good grief, did you think I was putting on an act? That I would treat a physical union with you like brushing my teeth?"

"I had wondered," she admitted.

He groaned.

"You have to see it from my point of view, Doc," she pleaded. "All this time you've pushed me away, now you're pulling me close..."

"And I explained that to you as well, did I not?"

"Yes, you did," she agreed. "But... those were just words, Doc. Words are easy."

"Not for me they aren't," he said darkly.

She nodded. "I'm sorry I doubted you," she said, downcast.

"Yes, well... this isn't the time for us to hold grudges, now is it?" he smiled.

"No, I reckon not," she smiled back. She abruptly shivered.

His face changed to concern. "Are you all right?"

"Yes. Brr! It's just getting colder in here. Can't you feel it?"

He shrugged. "Not really. But it's probably a combination of the external temperature and my body temperature making you cold."

Now that he'd said that, Tegan noticed that he was, indeed, a good deal cooler than she was. In fact, he felt cold against her. She drew back a bit. "I'd forgotten!" she exclaimed. "You're about thirty degrees off from me."

"Yes," he murmured. "It will make things more interesting, at the least."

She considered this. Her hot, him cool. Her freezing, or him burning up. How the hell would they find an in-between point?

He saw the look on her face, reached down to lightly kiss her nose. "Don't worry too much about it, Tegan. I have some control over my physiology, after all. I can adjust my body to a wider range of temperatures than a human can. I won't melt, I promise."

She nodded. She'd forgotten that as well. "Right. Well, then, I suppose instead of standing here talking of being hot or cold we could..."

"Go to bed?" he asked softly.

She giggled. She couldn't help it. "Now I know why it's so important to have a mate in this place."

He titled his head in puzzlement.

"Well, come on, Doc. We're allowed out what, three nights a week? For a few hours? And we're not worked to death, so we actually have a good bit of time in here. If you're locked up with someone, other than talk, what else have you got to do?!"

His eyes sparkled a bit. "I do see your point."

She opened the door a crack, peering into the main room. "All clear." She took his hand and led him out, despite everything feeling a bit odd at being naked with him. They had taken three steps when a buzzer resounded through the room and a few seconds later the light went out.

"Nice timing, that," she muttered. "More "mood setting," would you say?"

"No, it's the normal time for it," he said, and she didn't have to be looking at him or have light in the room to know that he was smiling.

"You could've humored me, you know," she said.

"You mean I don't?"

"Funny, very funny." She stumbled a bit, her eyes not adjusted yet to the near absence of light, and felt him release her hand, shift, and swing her up into his arms.

She chuckled as he carried her towards the bed. "Do you enjoy carrying me about? You've done it twice already now."

"When it's necessary, or appropriate, I don't mind at all," he murmured.

"So which is it right now-necessary, or appropriate?"

"You tell me, Tegan."

She didn't get a chance to answer before he gently deposited her on the bed and stretched out beside her. She still couldn't see him very well, but she could feel him, his nearness, his coolness, that tiny jolt she always experienced when he was close to her. Suddenly she was filled with the urge to touch him, to taste him, to know his body as well as she knew her own. In the shower, she'd always been careful not to pay too much attention to him, knowing what her reaction would be, knowing how it would complicate things. But that worry had been removed from her: not by choice, but still removed. Even tonight she'd held her curiosity in check, partly from not wanting the hot water to run out, and partly because the feeling between them had been one of affection, of caring, and she'd not been ready to throw the heady brew of lust into that mix. But now, lying beside him in the dark, lust had uncoiled itself from its hiding place and was eager to spring.

She turned to him just as he turned to her, reached for him as he reached for her.

"Doctor..."

"Tegan..."

He felt her lips on his, drew a shuddering breath, and knew with a strange happiness that what was about to happen would forever change them both.


	9. Nine

When the kiss ended, she clasped her hands on his shoulders, gently rolling him onto his back. She rested her body lightly against his, looking down with a sigh. "I wish I could see you better right now."

"If you could, you'd see that I'm smiling," he told her. "Your eyes will adjust soon."

"Not as well as yours."

"Even I don't have darkvision, Tegan. More low-light than anything."

"It's still more than I have."

"You're human."

"Yes, I know that," Tegan replied testily. "It's just another example of how-" she broke off.

"How what?"

Silence.

"Tegan," he pressed.

"Of how you're better, all right?" she snapped. "That bloody superior Time Lord body of yours. You can see better, you're a dozen times smarter... how am I supposed to keep up with that?"

"You've done just fine so far," he countered. He took her face in his hands, thumbs caressing her cheekbones. "Out with it, Tegan. Don't tell me you have an inferiority complex!"

"I bloody well do not!" she shot back. "But the simple fact is we are different, physically, mentally, emotionally..."

"Why is that bad?" he asked softly.

She didn't answer, only tried to move away from him, but he slipped his arms around her waist and held her close. "Don't you know by now why I spend so much time on Earth?" he asked hoarsely. "Why I mostly travel with humans, why I enjoy their company more than I ever would another Time Lord's? It is those differences, Tegan, that make your species so amazing to me."

"Great," she muttered. "We're your favorite pets."

"You are no such thing!" he thundered. "You are an indomitable lot and you are not pets to me! It was my contact with humans that helped open my eyes, taught me that there were so many better things out there than what Gallifrey could offer. You say I'm so much smarter than you, Tegan. And while that might be true, you've taught me things I would never have learned on my own, things that make me a better being, a happier one."

She laughed. "That was quite a speech, Doc!"

"I meant it, every word."

"I know you did."

"Then let's have no more of that nonsense, shall we?" he murmured.

"Fair enough," she said.

"Good," he muttered. "I thought I was going to have to kiss you to shut you up."

She felt oddly disappointed. "And now?"

"I'm still going to kiss you," he assured her, "just not to shut you up."

"Fair enough again," she answered, her lips curving into a smile.

As he moved towards her, she slipped down with a wicked grin. "Hold that thought, my dear Doctor," she whispered. "There's a little something I want to do to you first."

"Oh?"

"Several things, in fact."

"Hmm." He closed his eyes. "Why does that both worry and intrigue me?"

A throaty chuckle escaped her. "Because you know me so well."

"That's true. Not to mention-" his words caught in his throat.

Tegan looked up from his right nipple, where she had just flicked her tongue firmly against the nub of apparently very sensitive flesh. "Yes?" she inquired innocently, lowering her mouth again.

"I..." her tongue swirled and teased and he gasped in renewed delight.

"You seem to be at a loss for words, Doc," she said sweetly, trailing warm wet kisses across his chest to his other nipple.

He arched his back slightly, a low moan escaping him. "That is... very..."

"Pleasurable?"

"Unusual," he said, voice unsteady.

She looked up with a frown of worry. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No, no, I just..."

She slid up next to him, trailing two fingers down the side of his face. "Talk to me, Doctor," she coaxed.

He drew a shaky breath, released it slowly, one hand sliding down to her hip. "I... it's been so long, as I said, so many selves past, I'd all but forgotten what it was like..."

He paused, trying to find the right words to express what he was thinking, feeling. Tegan said nothing, patiently waiting, resting her hand over his.

He sighed. "I know you said you're not well versed in this, either. But I feel sure that you're had more experience than me... and that I'm going to be a disappointment."

"Have you gone barmy?" she exclaimed. "I can't believe you!"

"Tegan..."

"No, it's your turn to listen now, Doc," she said firmly, looking up at him even though she could barely make out his face in the dark.

But he wouldn't be deterred. "I know next to nothing about this. I'm acting purely on old memories, things I've seen others do, and what little sexual instinct I possess. I feel..."

"What?"

"Dishonest," he finished.

She blew out a breath. "Do you want me, Doc?"

"Tegan..."

"Answer the question. Quickly, without rationalizing it, without turning it over fifty times in that massive mind of yours. Do you desire me?"

He sighed again. "Yes, I do. But..."

"But nothing," she said determinedly. "If you feel for me, that's all that matters. I don't care how much or how little you know. Cripes, do you think that's all I care about? This isn't the sex Olympics, you know!"

She was rewarded with a laugh from him. "I mean it," she insisted. "Your lack of skill isn't an issue for me."

"It will be when I muck this up."

"You won't."

"You seem awfully certain of that."

"I am."

"How? How can you be so sure?" he asked.

"Because of this," she said, placing her hand over his hearts while she kissed him.

When she felt the rhythms become erratic, she broke the kiss and took his hand in hers again. "That is how I make you feel," she said quietly. "And if I can do that, it doesn't matter if I have to teach you. The point is, you want to learn. Your body wants to learn."

He was smiling. She knew he was. "I can't argue with your logic."

"Then don't," she ordered.

"I won't. What would you like me to do instead?"

"Kiss me again."

"Yes, madam."

When it was over, she smiled at him. "Very nice. Now let's see you put some more of those memories and instincts to good use."

He considered for a moment, then turned her onto her back and leaned over her, locks of his fine blond hair tickling her face. He kissed her neck, tentatively, then with more confidence as she sighed her delight. He rained gentle drops of warm kisses along her face, back down to her neck, then moved across to her shoulder, his slender fingers tracing patterns in the smattering of freckles. He worked his way to her other shoulder, so slow and tender it made her smile. Ever the gentleman, he was. But she felt the heat building in her and wasn't sure of how long she could withstand his courtliness. But for now she would try, wanting to sustain the pleasure as long as he did.

He paused, looking up at her. Her eyes were closed, lips parted yet suggesting a smile. He smiled faintly himself. He was glad to see he wasn't quite so out of practice as he'd thought he would be. Of course, instinct was a powerful thing, and once he'd unlocked the cage of his sexual desire it hadn't taken long for it to come crashing out.

He realized that she'd opened her eyes as was looking up at him with a shadow of worry. "Doctor?"

"I'm all right, Tegan."

"You aren't..."

"No."

She smiled again. "Good. Because if you were, I'd not let you off the hook quite so easily right about now!"

He chuckled, kissing her, feeling the spark again, the happiness of knowing that he could feel it, that it was allowed and encouraged. He wanted more, more of this, more of her, gripped by needs and wants he could now give a name to, and that name was Tegan.

He slid his hands up to cup her breasts.

Her response was immediate and gratifying. She arched her back slightly, a tiny gasp escaping her. He tilted his head, considering what he held in his hands, the smoothness of the skin, the soft weight, the way they filled his palms so naturally, as if her body had been made for his. He slid his hands up further to hold them, fingers caressing the skin, thumbs brushing over her dusky nipples. She moaned when he did this, and he felt them swell and harden under his touch with a mixture of amazement and delight.

Tegan arched against him again, her breathing faster, wanting more than his caress, pleasurable as it might be, needing things she couldn't put a name to or form words around. Her fingers tangled in his hair and she gently pulled his head down towards what his hands held.

He needed no further urging, moving down upon her until his lips met a breast. He licked at the warm globe, nuzzled it, and just when she thought she would explode with anticipation he drew her nipple into his mouth.

Tegan made a low guttural sound, and he instantly started to draw back, alarmed. "Don't you dare," she growled, holding his head.

He snorted quietly in amusement, sucking on the turgid flesh as she writhed beneath him, making incoherent passionate murmurs, fingers sliding down and gripping the bed as he moved his attention to her other breast, her back arching again as though she was caught in an electric current and he was the conduit. He took the other nipple in his mouth, caressed it, then raised up slightly to hold both breasts again, kneading and stroking, watching her with curious eyes, pleased with the response she made.

"Doctor..." his name was honey flowing from her lips.

She reached up to kiss him, no longer able to be still, wanting to give him the same sweet torturous bliss he'd given her. She wrapped her arms around him and with a swift deft movement rolled him beneath her.

She could just make out his face in the darkness, the surprise, then amusement. "Really, Tegan, if you'd wanted me to move, all you had to do was ask," he quipped.

"I want you to move, all right," she told him with a wicked grin.

"Am I in trouble?"

"The best kind, my dear Doctor."

He arched his brows. "I didn't know trouble could be good."

"It can when its name is Tegan."

She kissed him again, long and deep, resting her body against his just enough for him to feel her soft heat. She raised up and took his face in her hands, running her thumbs across his high cheekbones, his eyelids, his lips wet from her kisses.

"I want this to be for you," she whispered.

He started to speak, but she shushed him. "Don't get me wrong, I plan on enjoying it to the fullest. But this is going to be almost new to you, isn't it?"

He glanced down. "As I said, it has been a long time, yes."

"Then this has to be special for you. I want you to remember this for the rest of your lives."

He looked up at her then, and her breath caught at his expression, the desire, the tenderness. "I could never forget it, Tegan."

She swallowed hard. She wanted to say something, but for one of the few times in her life she was at a loss for words. And when he reached up to kiss her, she decided that was just fine.


	10. Ten

It was very different, this kiss. Neither awkward nor tentative, his lips caressed hers, feasted on them, devoured them. She slipped her arms around him, ran her hands up and down the smooth expanse of his back, trailed her nails lightly along his spine and smiled against his mouth when she felt him shudder. There was no tension in him now: at least not the tension of nervousness. He'd pushed it away, let it go. And in its place was the sweet peace that came with surrender. With his yielding came more than acceptance: he was aroused now, eager, ready to match her desire with his.

His mouth left hers and trailed kisses over her face; quick tiny kisses that fell on her cheeks, forehead and chin like raindrops. When he reached her throat he slid his lips down the skin hard and fast and was rewarded with a guttural gasp as she arched against him. He continued down, fingers kneading her breasts as the kisses left damp imprints on her chest and stomach. He gave the soft mounds a final caress before his hands moved to her hips, gently squeezing them, marveling at her contours and how they differed from his. Intellectually he knew this, had always known it: biology and physiology classes were thorough, clinical, but thorough. But here, now, her body beneath his, he could fully understand. A woman's body was made for a man's, perhaps that was so... but HER body was made for HIS.

When his mouth went lower and grazed her navel Tegan felt a jolt of excitement and apprehension. She was intensely aware of his lips and hands, how they were moving slowly down her body. It was almost more than she could stand, and if he went any further...

"Doctor," she whispered.

He paused mid-kiss, hands grazing the sensitive flesh of her thighs. "Yes, Tegan?"

She swallowed hard. How the hell did she say what she needed to say? Shoot from the hip, she decided: anything else wasn't her style. She did, however, draw a deep breath first.

"You seem to be..."

"What?"

"Heading south," she blurted, then kicked herself hard mentally for being flippant.

He chuckled, his breath light and warm against her stomach. "I'm glad to know your sense of direction is impeccable."

She exhaled fiercely. "What I mean is... you don't... have to do anything you don't want to," she said, knowing she sounded lame but unable to put it any other way.

He raised his head. "I'm not doing anything I don't want to."

"Oh," she said weakly "That's good. I mean-"

"Tegan."

"Yes?"

"Hush."

She hushed.

He lowered his head again, his lips a scant inch away from the juncture of her thighs. They grazed her dark curls, his fingers tracing the shape of the hair before slowly slipping further.

When he found her center she cried out softly, biting her lip, her hands clenching and unclenching against his back. He brushed one thumb over her, his other fingers resting against her pubic bones, watching the expressions that crossed her face. She was in pleasure: he could see that. But how much? How could he be sure he was doing what she wanted?

"Tegan," he whispered.

"Doc?"

"Show me, Tegan."

Her heart froze, then hammered in excitement. "Show you what?" she asked, voice husky.

"Show me how to please you."

She shook. She hadn't misunderstood him, then. "Do you really want to-"

"Yes, I do. Please," he whispered. "Show me."

Fingers trembling, Tegan slid her right hand down until it rested against his. Never had a man asked her to do this: either they were too afraid, or they assumed that whatever they were doing was creating fits of ecstasy in her. Sometimes she enlightened them otherwise: sometimes they were doing a decent job on their own. But no one, no one had ever wanted her to tell him, show him. And the fact that it was the Doctor, his voice so earnest, so sweet, so innocent but sincere, made her insides quake. And she felt no shame, no hesitation. Only a desire to share of herself with him, to batter down her doors and his doors and allow them to tumble eagerly into each other's arms.

She moved her fingers over, bringing his along. "Here," she whispered. She placed her hand on his and guided him, taking his fingers where she wanted them to be. "Like this." And she worked them in a slow, easy rhythm. After a minute or so she moved her hand back slightly, and he continued, copying her actions perfectly. "Oh, yes," she gasped.

He smiled-somehow she felt that he was smiling-and continued. He felt her arch her back, heard her quiet gasps. When her hand had been on his, the simple eroticism of it had aroused him so much it was painful. Part of him had wanted to stop, to join his body with hers and ease the fierce ache growing inside him. But he wasn't going to do that yet. Not until he knew he had brought her to that peak and taken her over it. Again and again.

After a few minutes, she began to moan. He continued, looking down at her, her eyes shut and face flushed, and marveled at how beautiful she looked. She writhed against him, breathing in short gasps, her entire body rippling like an ocean wave. He knew she must be closer...  
Tegan was, in fact, poised on the edge. But she was holding herself back. It was a reflex reaction: it had always been hard for her to let go. She was so wary, so hesitant of trusting, it even carried over into sex. More than one man had been confused and upset by this, by her seeming inability to let anyone close to her. But she didn't want that, not with the Doctor. She wanted to let him in. It was so hard to undo habit...

He altered his tempo slightly, but it was enough to send her rolling out again, building so fast she almost didn't realize it. She felt the trembling, the spasms, and she knew it was the moment of truth.

"Doc..." she gasped.

"Let it happen, Tegan," he whispered.

He had sensed conflict in her, and while he knew little about sex, he knew a great deal about Tegan. He didn't intend to let her old fears stop him, or her. They had come too far, shared too much for that. They had been stripped down to the bone with each other. There was no going back, not now, not for him, not for her.

Tegan arched against him, raising herself up, a low wanton cry escaping her lips, her hips writhing as release claimed her, as her body was flooded with spasm after spasm of pleasure. Finally, she quieted and went limp, drawing him down to her in a fierce kiss. When it ended, she cupped his face in her hands, brushing a lock of hair away from his eye. She chuckled, the sound rich and genuinely happy.

"Are you going to let me in on the joke?" he asked, bracing himself over her on his arms.

"You." At his puzzled "hmm?" she elaborated: "I've always thought you could do anything you tried to. This proves it!"

"I did have help from you, Tegan," he murmured. When she touched his mouth, she felt him smiling.

"You might not need too much more help!" she exclaimed. "That was amazing."

"Only because you were able to show me what to do," he insisted.

"Doc... some guys wouldn't even have asked."

"Then how would they know?"

She sighed, twining her fingers in his hair as he moved to lie down beside her, resting his head on her breasts. "Sometimes they don't," she said. "They assume they know what they're doing or that you like whatever they do."

"That seems rather inefficient."

Tegan laughed until her eyes watered. "Only you would describe sex like that!"

He shrugged. "It's not logical. If you're having sex to give each other pleasure, you should find out what the other person likes. Otherwise it's a waste of time and effort."

"So practical," she teased, kissing the top of his head.

He tucked his chin down. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I did promise not to be that way for this, didn't I."

"Doc, it's ok," she said softly, tipping his face up towards hers. "You are who you are. And I'm glad that you care about pleasing me, even if you're a bit clinical about it."

"That isn't all of it, you know," he replied earnestly. "It's because..." he broke off.

"Because?" she prompted gently.

"It gives me pleasure, knowing I can make you feel that way. Your face, Tegan, at that moment... and it was because of me, I was able to give you that."

She nodded. "I understand."

He raised up and kissed her, taking her by surprise. When it was over, she said: "but you know, Doc, that works both ways."

"Oh?"

"Oh, yes," she told him. And with a quick fluid movement, he was on his back with her on top of him.

"You seem to have an abundance of energy suddenly," he said.

"I certainly do," she answered. She slid up to kiss him, a long deep kiss that left him breathless. "Now," she whispered in his ear when it was over, "let's see if I can't figure out what makes a Time Lord tick."


	11. Eleven

"Tying one to a bomb?" he asked.

Tegan growled.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"You're nervous," she said.

"Another one of your questions that is really a statement. But yes, I am, Tegan, I told you-"

"And I told you that you're doing just fine," she countered. "Honestly, sometimes you could pass for a human with all that anxiety!"

"I am not anxious," he said primly.

"O? Then what would you call it?"

"I'd call it: apprehension."

"There's a difference?"

"Certainly!"

"And it is?"

"Why do you always put me on the spot?" he sighed, and Tegan laughed.

"Enough of this," she whispered, moving her mouth to his right ear.

"You, ending a debate? That's so..." he stopped, breath catching in his throat, as she licked the outside of his ear. Her mouth moved towards the center and she sent a soft breath of warm air in. She felt his slight shiver and smiled.

"At a loss for words, Doc?"

"It... would seem so," he gasped.

"Good." She moved to his neck, slowly nibbling, kissing, and licking up towards his chin. When she reached it she planted a few more kisses, then slid her mouth hard from his chin to his collarbone. She was rewarded by a small moan.

"Tegan..." he whispered.

She rained kisses down upon his face, his forehead, his smooth cheeks, his closed eyes. Her fingertips learned every curve, every angle as they followed her lips. She then slid down, stroking his throat while she traced his shoulders with her tongue. It had struck her before how different the taste of his skin was, and as she continued the thought rose again. Not salty, exactly, and definitely not bitter or sour. More sweet than anything, if she had to put a name to it. Skin like sugar, she thought, and giggled slightly.

"Are my shoulders really that humorous?"

"No," she retorted with a grin, "but thinking about you having sugar skin is!"

"Sugar skin?"

"Your taste," she explained. "Your skin is... sweet."

He raised his eyebrows. "I see. That is... good?"

"Very good," she assured him.

Whatever he'd intended to say next was lost as she slid her mouth over and licked a nipple.

His response was fierce and immediate. He caught his breath again, more harshly this time, and his nipple hardened beneath her tongue. He slid his hands over her back, caressing, the first time he'd touched her since she started. She grinned to herself, pleased to know that she had roused him from his passivity, though the idea of him lying there and submitting to her wasn't exactly an unappealing one!

She repeated her actions on his left nipple and got the same response. She gently bit it, then alternated breathing on it with sucking air away from it. He arched beneath her and moaned. "Tegan," he whispered, voice unsteady and breathless.

"Hmm?"

"That... feels..."

"Yes?" she asked, transferring her attention back to the right nipple and doing more of the same. "It feels what?" she asked coyly a few seconds later.

"It feels... fantastic..."

She knew she was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Oh?"

"You know very well it does," he said, and she lowered her head again. "Tegan, I..."

She heard something new in his voice, something akin to amazement, and rose up. "Doc?"

"I didn't know," he whispered, enfolding her in his arms and running his fingers through her hair. "I didn't know it could feel this way."

"But, your other time in your first incarnation, surely..." her voice trailed off in confusion.

He shook his head. "Perhaps, but I don't remember that from before, not like this."

She swallowed hard, looking up though she couldn't really see him, knowing he was looking down at her. He drew her up to meet his mouth in a kiss that was passionate and hungry. When it was over he tried to push her down but she didn't budge. "I'm not done with you yet, Doctor," she purred.

"I don't know how much more stimulation I can stand," he muttered.

"We'll find out," she told him, moving back down his cool lean body. "After all, it's good to test one's limits sometimes."

He choked back a laugh. "You test my limits all the time, Tegan!"

"Not like this," she replied, and before he could utter another word, she teased the end of his hardness with her tongue.

A guttural gasp was his only response.

She snaked her tongue all around him, licking and tasting until his head swam. "Tegan..."

She slowly drew him into her mouth and his hips jerked as he moaned.

His reaction gave her a rush of excitement and arousal. He was being so open, so unrestrained in his responses it amazed her, gave credence to his earlier words, words that seemed to have been spoken a lifetime ago. And she knew his earlier joy: the pleasure he had felt by giving her pleasure. She would never have imagined him capable of the passion he was showing now, the utter abandonment to her touch. But the proof was here, trembling beneath her hands.

She continued, using her hand and lips to incite him to frenzy. His breathing came in shallow pants: he jerked and twisted like a marionette. And she was the puppet master, pulling the strings of his desire, controlling him completely. She felt him quivering and would have continued her sweet torture to its usual conclusion, but he suddenly sat up and pulled her away, lying back down and cradling her head on his shoulder.

She could hear his breathing, still erratic: she could feel his hearts thumping hard in his chest. "Doc?"

"I'm all right," he whispered.

"Then why did you...?"

He peered down at her. "Because, my dear Tegan, if you had kept that up for about ten more seconds, I would have lost all control."

"And that is bad... why?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Because then I wouldn't be able to join with you physically, thereby negating the purpose of this activity."

She snorted. "Purpose of this activity? Cripes, Doc, this isn't paint-by-numbers!"

He groaned. "I know. I simply meant... I would have been spent. And that isn't what I want. Not for you. Not for us."

She nodded. "I understand. I'm sorry: I should've thought of that..."

"It's nothing to be sorry about, Tegan. What you did felt... well; let's just say that I would like to experience it again sometime, hmm?" she laughed, and he smiled. "So don't feel regretful. It should be quite obvious that I enjoyed it."

"Yes, it is," she replied. "I just want to give you what you gave me. I want this to be special..." she chuckled. "I sound like a teenager!"

"It is special," he said softly. He brought her up to meet his kiss, then spoke again, quietly but intensely. "It is special, Tegan. In every way."

She nodded. She wanted to say something more, but it seemed that anything she could say had already been said. And even if it hadn't, she wasn't certain that she could trust her voice at the moment. It didn't matter: this was a moment outside of time when words would have been an intrusion.

He gently turned her so that she was beneath him. Her hands traced the contours of his back, marveling again how soft his skin was, how smooth, feeling the muscles moving against her fingertips. He slowly eased himself against her, and she opened herself to him, slipping a hand between their bodies to help guide him in.

She cried out softly, clinging to him, arms and legs wrapped around him as he became part of her, and she of him. She moved in tempo with him, her lips at his ear, gasping and whispering his name in the softest of voices. All their frustrations, the words neither of them could say, the pain and anger had sparked into an inferno. They felt the burn, but all either of them wanted was to be consumed by the blaze.

When he knew he couldn't wait any longer, he bent his head to tell her, but he realized that on some level she had already sensed it. "Let go, Doc," she said tenderly, fiercely. "I did and so can you. Just let go."

He moaned her name, then cried out as his body shattered with the intensity of his climax, holding her to him as though she was the most precious thing in the universe. When his spasms had stilled he still held her close, moving to lie beside her as he pressed a flurry of kisses on her face. She felt his hearts beating in a blur, felt his shallow breathing, and she couldn't help but grin to herself. So, Time Lords are not quite as detached as they'd like the rest of us to believe! She thought smugly.

"By Rassilon!" he exclaimed. "That was..."

"What?" she teased.

"Well, amazing!" he said candidly. "I can understand why humans are so interested in sex now, and why Time Lords usually don't indulge. How would we ever get anything else done!"

"Oh, now you're just flattering me," she scoffed, but inside her grin widened.

"Tegan. Would I do such a thing?"

She laughed. "With you, Doc, anything is possible!"

"Like getting some sleep?" he asked with a yawn. "I'm sorry, I know I seem like a human male by saying that, but I honestly feel wiped out now."

"You enjoyed sex AND you're sleepy? Doc, I think you've set some kind of Time Lord record!"

"I won't tell if you won't," he joked, kissing her.

"It'll be our secret," she replied, snuggling against him. A few moments later both of them drifted into sleep.


	12. Twelve

It was still dark when Tegan awoke.

She was slightly sore, and she was somewhat tired. But none of that mattered right now, not really. She knew she could go back to sleep for however long they had left. But she didn't want to. Instead, she snuggled closer to the Doctor, who sometime during the night had turned onto his back, though he still had an arm curled around her. And if he'd turned onto his back, that probably meant...

"Hello, Tegan," he said softly.

Ah, yes, he was awake. She wasn't really surprised. He so rarely even slept.

"Hello yourself," she replied. "So much for you sleeping!" she chuckled.

"Actually, I did, and rather well," he answered. "By my estimate we've got about another hour before the day starts."

Tegan was surprised. "How long did you sleep?"

She felt him shrug. "About four hours, give or take a bit."

"That long?"

His voice was rich with amusement. "I did mention that I was tired, Tegan."

"Poor Doctor, wore you out, did I?" she teased.

"Considering I'm not used to sex, I think that's a fair assessment," he said.

She nodded. "At least this will get Halda off our backs," she commented.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I'm sure her ever-so-keen nose will detect a change in your scent."

She sighed. "So... what now?"

He shrugged. "I doubt that one time will be sufficient to make her leave us alone for very long. We have to make certain that she sees us as mates, and to do that..."

"We need to have repeat performances," she finished.

"I'm afraid so, Tegan." He looked down at her in the darkness. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Doc, that isn't your fault."

He shook his head, realized she probably couldn't see the gesture, and squeezed her arm instead. "No, I mean... I'm sorry it has to be this way."

"Could it have been any other?" she asked darkly.

His breathing became slightly unsteady. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, could this have happened some other way? On board the TARDIS, maybe?"

Now it was his turn to sigh. "Honestly, I don't know. Things were different then between us."

"Yes, now we can go for hours instead of minutes without squabbling," she joked, and was rewarded by a laugh. "It's ok, Doc, if you don't know," she assured him. "Hell, I can't say that I know the answer to that myself."

He made no reply, just squeezed her again. They lay together in companionable silence until the lights came on.

"Ah, another wonderful day here on..." the Doctor sat up and frowned.

"Doc?"

"I just realized that I've not asked anyone the name of this place," he said.

"It's Gevao." She rose and moved to get clean clothes for them.

He stared at her as they dressed. "You knew that and didn't tell me?"

"I did tell you!" she exclaimed.

"I think I would remember that, Tegan..."

"And I think that even a Time Lord is capable of not paying attention on occasion!"

"I never ignore you, Tegan. You've never made it even a remote possibility."

Before she could retort, their cell was unlocked and Halda entered with the guards that brought them breakfast. She immediately walked to within a few feet from Tegan. The Doctor could almost see her wide nostrils quiver.

"Mate," she said simply. The guards put the food down and departed with Halda.

"Bloody nosy parker," Tegan muttered as she sat down.

"At least she knows," the Doctor pointed out, sitting down near her and starting to eat.

"Joy," Tegan quipped, but said no more. They ate quickly, then waited for the guards to return.

"Tegan..."

"What?" she asked peevishly, still somewhat bothered by Halda's smug pronouncement.

"I'll miss you today."

She stared at him. "You will? Are you running a fever?"

"Does everything have to be a joke with you?"

"Sorry," she said softly. "You just... caught me off guard."

He smiled. "Now I wish I had MY diary!"

Tegan didn't get the chance to reply: the guards came back and they were ushered out. When they got to the hallway where they always split up, Tegan turned to look over her shoulder as she was led away. "Doctor..."

He glanced back at her.

"I'll miss you, too."

The Doctor spent the day in a trance. As close as a Time Lord could come to that, at least. In between chopping, slicing and simmering he thought of Tegan. While he stirred and sautéed he thought of Tegan. No matter what else he was doing or how he tried to redirect his thoughts, somehow they drifted back to her. Well he had told her he'd miss her, he reminded himself. But this wasn't just a simple case of that. What had she said to him, "Nothing is ever simple where you're concerned?" And she was right.

It was, well, be honest, he told himself. It was the sex. His mind was flooded with images, smells, and sounds from the night before. They crept up on him and bombarded him the moment he let them in. And he didn't seem to be able to shut them out. Maybe, he realized with a start, he didn't want to.

Her lips, so full and soft, the silkiness of her skin, her arms and legs wrapped around him, the fragrance of soap and something that was uniquely Tegan, a clean sweet scent... the Doctor swallowed hard. His body was beginning to mirror his thoughts and he felt himself becoming aroused. Stop, he ordered himself fiercely. This was entirely out of order!

The Doctor stood at a stove, clutching a pot, trembling. He managed to put it down and stir the contents a few times before he slumped back against the wall.

"What's happening to me?" he whispered to himself.

"Doctor? You all right?"

The Doctor gasped, jerking his head up to see Rina studying him from a few feet away. "You seem ill... should I tell the guards?"

"No!" he exclaimed, then more calmly added: "I'm fine, really. Thank you, Rina."

She nodded, dumping a handful of dried herbs into the pot. "How are you and Tegan?"

"Fine, just fine," he stammered, mentally berating himself for his behavior.

Rina nodded again. "It is... difficult, is it not," she said. It was a statement more than a question.

"What do you mean?" he asked, feeling a faint flush on his cheeks even as he spoke.

"You and Tegan," she said quietly. "You were not mates before you came here. Friends, yes, but nothing more. Now you are bonded to each other. But this of itself is not what disturbs you."

He nodded, both embarrassed and relieved. Part of him insisted that it was something that should not be discussed. Another part of him knew he was out of his depth and desperately wanted help. After a few seconds hesitation the second part prevailed.

"I... I don't know where my feelings begin and end," he admitted. "I don't know what was there all along and I just didn't acknowledge it, and what has evolved because of our circumstances. I'm not used to these feelings... I'm not used to so many emotions, it's overwhelming at times..." he drew a deep breath, a calmness settling over him after giving voice to what he'd been holding in so hard for so long.

Rina smiled. "You are having to learn to adjust to many things. Your captivity, your emotions for Tegan... it's hard for you. But you're doing fine."

"I am?" he echoed. "I wish I felt that way!"

"You expect so much from yourself, don't you? You strike me as someone who has to have all the answers to all the questions and have them immediately."

"Well..." he muttered.

"Stop being so hard on yourself," Rina told him. "You might not ever be able to have all the answers you want. In the end, it doesn't really matter whether your feelings for Tegan have existed for a week or a year. What matters is what's in your heart."

"My heart?"

"What does your heart tell you, Doctor? How do you feel when you think about Tegan?"

He blinked, eyes wide as he considered the question. "Happy," he said at length. "I feel happy."

"Then that is what's important. Don't torment yourself with things you can't figure out. It doesn't do you any good. Let your emotions be your guide, and move forward. Don't get stuck in the past."

"Stuck in the past," he repeated.

She patted him on the shoulder. "You're smart. And stronger than you seem. I've no doubt that you'll be fine. You just need to learn when to hold on and when to let go."

He smiled ruefully. "I think you're the wise one here, Rina."

"Just more experienced. Now, how about we finish up the harvest stew?"


	13. Thirteen

Tegan was nervous.

She didn't want to admit it, of course. But she knew the signs too well within herself. She sat at the table after returning to their room, plucking at her chair as though pulling the feathers off a chicken. Her heart was doing the two-step, and she was swallowing hard. The guards were bringing in their meal: it would only be a minute or two before the Doctor would be back. And then... she didn't want to think about how she'd feel when she actually saw him.

All day she'd thought about the night before, and the morning before they left. Every whisper, every touch, every word had burned itself into her brain and refused to go away. She had done what needed doing: she had a job to do, after all. But she was a wreck. What if he came back and was his old cool self? What if everything they'd shared, everything she'd finally allowed herself to feel, what if it was all for nothing? How could she face him?

Her frantic thoughts were interrupted as the Doctor was brought in and the guards departed. Impulsively she stood up, eyes dark and wide with the fear she'd been experiencing all day. "Doc?" she whispered.

He stared at her. She was shaking, agitated... scared?

"Tegan," he said softly. He went to her and pulled her against him, not understanding exactly what was wrong but sensing that she needed reassurance. He held her for a long moment, and when he felt some of the stiffness and shaking ease from her, he pulled back slightly and peered into her eyes. "You seem... distressed," he said.

"I was," she admitted, giving him a tenuous smile. "But I think it's getting better now."

"Do you want to eat and tell me about it?"

"Eat, yes. Talk about it..." she sighed. "Damn and blast. Yes, I do. I will."

He looked at her quizzically, but made no further comment, sitting down and waiting for her to do the same before he started on his tray. Tegan ate in a daze, scarcely paying attention until he asked: "How is it?"

"What?"

"The stew. How is it?" he said.

Tegan realized with a start that it had to be what he'd been working on for so long in the kitchen. She forced herself to focus on her food and took a spoonful, letting the flavors glide over her tongue. After a few seconds she swallowed and exclaimed: "Doc, this is wonderful!"

He seemed anxious, hesitant. "Really?"

"Yes, really. You've blended a nice combination of spices in here! And the meat isn't too tough or too stringy. The vegetables are good, too: tender but not limp. It's great, honestly."

His apprehensive look changed to one of pleasure. "Thank you, Tegan."

She ate with more enthusiasm, and he noticed the change. When they'd both finished she said: "You'll have to make this when we get back on the TARDIS..." her voice trailed off.

"Yes, I will, won't I?" he said cheerfully, as though her words hadn't had a bad effect on him at all. He rose, took her hands and pulled her up to stand beside him. "Come on," he told her quietly. "We've a shower to take. Then we can talk."

They showered in silence except for a few sighs from the Doctor as Tegan rubbed his back. When it was over and they were in bed the Doctor turned to her, propping his head up on one hand. "All right, Tegan, out with it."

She sighed. "I thought about you all day today."

"Well yes, I can see why you're so distressed," he replied sardonically.

"I got scared, all right?" she huffed. "I was worried maybe you'd... change. And I didn't know what I'd do if you did."

"Change... how? Go back to my "old self," you mean? Act like what happened was of no more consequence than the weather?"

When he voiced her thoughts, she felt embarrassed. "Yes."

"Tegan, how could you think that?"

"Because I'm a cynical person by nature and I'm afraid! I care so much about you, and the idea that it might happen..." she stopped, forcing herself to calm down.

He took her chin in his hand and tilted her face up. "Tegan, when have you ever known me to run away from something?"

"Never," she answered.

"Do you honestly think this only goes one way? That I haven't developed any feelings for you at all?"

"No, I don't," she admitted. "I just..."

"You need words," he finished.

"Yes."

"I'm not good with words, Tegan. But for what it's worth, here they are. I can't explain exactly how I feel about you, because I've never experienced this feeling before. There are some that might say its love. I have nothing to judge it against, so I don't know. But I do know that I care a great deal about you. When I think of you, I'm happy. The idea of you not being in my life causes me a lot of pain. And while I'm not the least bit pleased to be a prisoner here, I'm glad that I'm with you."

Her lower lip quivered and her eyes brightened as she stared at him in wonder. He smiled, brushing her hair away from her face. "Does that make you feel any better?"

Her answer was to move against him and kiss him.

Three months later...

"I told you what would happen if you put d'irna peppers in this!" Tegan sputtered, gasping and downing several gulps of water.

"It needed some flavor," the Doctor replied, grinning at the sight.

"Not this much flavor! Bloody hell, Doc, if you're trying to do us all in, there's easier ways!" Tegan sat back and fanned herself.

"Perhaps I overdid it a bit," he admitted.

"A bit? I can't believe they let you make this for dinner!"

"The Azim were especially happy with it," he said. "They might have a higher tolerance for the peppers than humans."

"Obviously," she replied. "But you must've thought it was good as it is, too, or you'd have toned it down."

"My taste buds are similar to a humans, but not quite the same, so yes, I imagine that is the problem." He shrugged. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overdo it."

"I think those peppers might meet with a tragic accident in the gardens tomorrow!" Tegan huffed.

He smiled. "Here, have some more water. It's the least I can do." He refilled her cup while she pretended to glare at him. She wanted to keep it up, but his boyish charm made it impossible. Especially when he smiled at her like that, like she was the most important thing in the universe.

The past few months had been a blur to her, the days running into each other, dissolving into a routine. She had gotten used to the work, the schedule, the life they were forced to lead. The nights, however, were a different story. Every time they made love, it seemed new: every time made her feel alive. And it happened more often than she would have ever thought it could. She'd said something to him, after about a week, in a joking tone: that she was sure Halda was satisfied by now, that they didn't have to keep up this pace...

"Yes, but we need to be certain," he'd murmured against her lips.

"I just don't want you to feel like it has to be every night," Tegan had explained.

"Tegan, do I look like I'm not enjoying this?" he'd asked. Moving her hand down his body, he'd whispered: "Does it feel like I don't want this?"

She remembered her laughter. "No!"

"Then stop worrying," he'd said, kissing her.

"Oh, dear, I've created a monster!" she'd chuckled.

It wasn't every night, but she definitely wasn't unsatisfied. It still amazed her; the Doctor, the one she used to know, once so reserved, and now...

"Your mind is wandering off again," he chided.

"Sorry," she said with a start. "I was just thinking..."

"I noticed."

"It's so different now," she explained.

He nodded. "Feelings evolve, mature, I suppose."

"Even for a Time Lord?" she couldn't resist.

"I don't know why you continue to act as though I think of myself as some sort of supreme being," he said.

"You mean you're not?"

"Really, Tegan..." the Doctor's reply was halted as the door was opened. They both turned as Halda and three guards came in.

Tegan paled and the Doctor felt himself tense. Halda looked at them. "Doctor and Tegan."

"Yes?" the Doctor said warily.

"The plan is made. You are scheduled for child production this cycle."


	14. Fourteen

Tegan's hands clenched. "Why?"

"Different reasons. You will be taken tomorrow to change shots."

"And what happens if we aren't able to have a child?" the Doctor asked.

Halda shrugged. "You try with someone else."

The Doctor opened his mouth but closed it just as quickly. He knew there was no point in arguing about it. "How long are we given?" Tegan asked.

"The cycle is four months. You have until it is over."

"This is sooner than I thought this would happen," Tegan snapped. "We've not been here but four months or so!"

"That is long enough," Halda said. "Not many new prisoners this past cycle. The Doctor shows to be very smart. More than many others here. You are both in good health, and you are mates. This is the best time."

"Not for us," the Doctor answered, anger seeping into the edges of his voice.

"That... is not important," Halda answered. "Tegan will be taken tomorrow. Arrangements have been made for you both to miss a week of work."

"A whole week? Isn't that going to be a big setback?" Tegan questioned. "There's so much that needs done in the gardens..."

"Your work will be covered. It is always done this way. Child production is the most important thing. Your time off begins tomorrow."

Halda turned and departed with the guards without another word, leaving the Doctor and Tegan alone again. Tegan swallowed hard. "You were saying something about not thinking you're a supreme being?" she managed to ask.

"I can't help other people's perceptions," he muttered.

"Cripes, Doc, this is serious!"

"Believe me, I know that."

"Can you even, I mean, could I..." "Could I get you pregnant?" he finished. "I don't know. It's possible."

"Rabbits," she whispered. "Four months..." she moved beside him, her dark eyes resolute. "Doc, we've got to find a way out of here before then."

He didn't answer her, closing his eyes tight. A muscle twitched in his jaw.

"Doc, you know I'm right!"

"What if I do?" he asked in a flat voice. "Don't you think I've thought about it? Don't you think I've looked? But everything I've thought of runs a high risk of us getting caught!"

"There's always a risk."

He opened his eyes and looked down at her. She caught her breath at the bleakness, the remembered pain. "Getting caught... is not an option," he said.

"Doc..."

"Don't you remember what Halda said that day?" his voice raised sharply. "They will break your legs, Tegan, and who knows what else they might decide to throw in for good measure. Don't you think it was bad enough when you were beaten?"

"So what if they break my legs! They'll mend!"

"And when we try again, and get caught, and they kill you?" he asked. He folded his arms across his chest in an effort to stop his trembling. "How am I supposed to live with that, with knowing it didn't have to happen, and I had to stand there and watch you die before my eyes? Answer me that, Tegan!"

She stared at him. "That's it, isn't it? You don't want to try and escape."

"Not at the expense of your life, no."

She reached out and gently touched an arm. "But Doc... this isn't a life. We're prisoners here. No matter how decent we've got it, it's still a cage. And now we have to try and bring a child into this."

"I can't watch you die," he whispered. "You've said it yourself, so much senseless violence and death...I remember your body, the look on your face..."

Tears glittered in Tegan's eyes. She moved behind him and wrapped her arms around him. "Then we'll have to find a way not to get caught."

He didn't answer, only nodded, once, then turned. "Come on," he said softly. "It's nearly time for lights out."

"You two are very quiet," Lals commented to the Doctor and Tegan. Rina nodded. The four of them were walking outside together, enjoying the fresh air and what remained of the sun.

"Yes, amazing, isn't it?" the Doctor replied remotely. He and Tegan were holding hands and he felt her give his a tight squeeze. She reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, and as she did, he caught a glimpse of her face, the haunted look in her eyes. Impulsively, he leaned down and brushed a kiss to her cheek. The gesture made her smile: wanly, but smile nonetheless. Anything was better than the turmoil that had marred both their features for the past few days.

The night of Halda's proclamation, they had lain in bed together, curled around each other. They hadn't taken a shower, hadn't eaten anything else, just lay side by side wrapped up in their thoughts. Tegan had eventually fallen asleep out of exhaustion, but he'd stayed awake. He could have induced sleep, but he didn't want to. Neither of them spoke a word all night. The next morning they'd come for Tegan, and when she returned she took one look at him and burst into tears. He'd held her, stroked her hair, wishing desperately he could take away this feeling for both of them. But he couldn't.

After two days of them repeating this pattern, Halda had come back and told them in no uncertain terms to stop their behavior. She had been informed that they were not eating, and it was obvious that they had not been mating.

"Why don't you try being forced to have sex to create a child you don't want to bring into the world and see how the hell you like it!" Tegan had screamed.

The Doctor had cringed, fearing that Tegan would get a good thrashing with a stun baton for this. But Halda merely shook her head. "This will not do. Things must change." And she'd left.

"Don't," Tegan had said fiercely. "Not a word, Doc, not a bloody word."

And he hadn't.

Rina's voice refocused their attention. "Things have been fine in the kitchens. But I do miss you being there. Nothing tastes quite the same when I prepare it."

"You're every bit as good of a cook as I am," the Doctor told her. "I doubt it's any great loss."

"How did you do it?"

Everyone turned and looked at Tegan. She was staring at Rina and Lals. "When this happened to you the first time. How did you stand it? How did you survive it?"

"Tegan," the Doctor whispered.

"I'm sorry, I don't have the right to pry, but I need help, I feel like I'm losing my mind..." her voice broke off and she stopped, sitting down on a bench and burying her face in her hands.

Rina sat down beside her. "Is she all right?" A guard's voice called out.

"She's fine," Rina replied loudly. The guard shrugged and turned his attention elsewhere. She wrapped her arms around Tegan and rocked her. "I know," she soothed as Tegan began to cry. "I know."

"It's been hell," Tegan gasped between sobs. "The Doctor blames himself, but I don't, it's not his fault, but it's hurting us both and I don't know how to make it stop..."

As Tegan poured her feelings out, the Doctor and Lals stood nearby: the Doctor looked anguished and embarrassed, while Lals looked sad and sympathetic.

Rina looked up at the Doctor. "Are they drugging you?"

He winced as though the question physically wounded him. He bit his bottom lip and his eyes closed. Rina saw that he was shaking. A single tear slipped down his pale face as he gave an almost inaudible reply: "it started two days ago..."

Tegan nodded, not trusting her voice, remembering what she almost wished she could forget.

Morning, two days earlier

Their solitude was disturbed by the arrival of Halda and guards. As their food was put on the table, guards yanked the Doctor and Tegan off the bed.

"Bloody hell, that's enough!" Tegan snarled, stumbling as she stood.

"You will both sit here and eat," Halda said. "Now."

"What if we don't want to?" The Doctor snapped.

"Do you need me to answer that?"

"Fine," he retorted. "If you want to resort to violence, we'll eat."

He sat down, and after a few seconds, Tegan did the same. He ate fast, faster than she'd ever seen him eat, and she tried to follow suit. When they were done, the Doctor glared at Halda. "Satisfied?"

"You will shower after we leave."

"Fine again," he said. "Just leave us alone."

"I will," she said with a smile, but it was a smile that made Tegan's skin crawl. True to her word, their captors departed. Tegan sighed. "What was all that about?"

"I don't know," the Doctor answered with a sigh of his own. " Aside from not letting us starve ourselves, maybe she thinks that if we re-establish a routine we'll go back to the way we were before."

"About that," Tegan began, but stopped when he shook his head.

"Let's take that shower first, shall we? Maybe she can smell us through the door."

Tegan managed a laugh as they went to the bath.

The Doctor was in the middle of washing Tegan's legs when it happened.

At first it was a vague twinge, a slight feeling of being flushed. He shrugged it off: he'd had a similar feeling before from taking a very warm shower. But as he finished with Tegan and she was rinsing, it began to change. The flush grew stronger, racing through every nerve in his body until it pooled in his groin. He moaned softly.

"Doctor?"

He barely heard her, sinking to his knees as the fire began to consume him, the heat spiraling until he was shaking from it.

Tegan turned off the water and reached out to touch his shoulder. He started violently, jumping out of the shower as if she'd hurt him.

She looked at him, eyes wide in bewilderment, then fear.

"Oh, Gods, Doc, what did they do to you?" she whispered.

"Drugs," he answered, grimacing. "They must have drugged my food, some sort of aphrodisiac..." his voice broke off as a spasm claimed him.

Tegan shook her head, desperately wanting to deny it, but the proof was all too visible.

"Get away from me, Tegan," he ordered. "If you aren't in my physical presence, I might be able to control it." His breathing grew harsher with every word and she could only imagine how much effort it was taking him to control his voice.

She nodded numbly, grabbing a towel and moving swiftly past him into the other room.

She huddled on the bed, the tense silence broken by occasional moans from the Doctor as he struggled to overcome the drugs. The moaning became more frequent, more desperate, and Tegan's stomach clenched even as her heart cried out in anger and sympathy. It didn't sound to her like he was going to be all right. And if he couldn't control himself...

"No," she whispered, the anger overriding her fear. "I'll not have it."

She got up and walked quietly to the bathroom.

The Doctor was lying in the shower, curled up into the fetal position, eyes shut, hands clenched. His eyes flew open as she stood in the doorway. "I told you to stay away from me, Tegan—" his words were cut short by a soft whimper of pain.

"It's no good, Doc," she said gently, holding the doorframe so he wouldn't know her hands were shaking. "You're just getting worse."

"I can control it," he hissed.

"Right now, maybe. But for how long? And what about when you can't?"

"That will not happen!" he cried.

"You don't know that! Look at you! How long do you think you can keep doing this?"

"As long as it takes," he answered.

She watched as another spasm took him, saw the line of his jaw as he clenched his teeth. "Get away," he snarled.

"No. You can't keep fighting it like this, and you know that as well as I do." She walked over to him, knelt down beside him. She touched his cheek. "Let me help."

He grabbed her wrist, holding it with frightening force. She saw the wild look in his eyes as he glared at her, watched as his expression changed into one of helpless desire. She shivered in spite of the heat, his hunger so obvious it was almost tangible.

"Go," he said.

"No."

"Tegan! For once in your life would you do as I ask!" he was nearly shouting at her now.

"Not this time I bloody well won't!" she retorted.

"I mean it, Tegan." His hand released her wrist and slid up her arm before he snatched it away. "I mean this more than anything I've ever said to you in my life. If you don't get away from me, I will lose control and I will take you."

"That's going to happen anyway, Doc, whether I leave this room or not."

He started to protest, but she shook her head. "You know I'm right. Even if you do control yourself this time, all that means is they'll increase the drugs. And if you still resist, Halda will add threats until we do what she wants. She knew you wouldn't want to do this on your own, or maybe wouldn't even be able to: that's why she's gone and done this. And I for one would rather let it happen now."

"Tegan—" he gasped her name as she moved closer to him, his expression going from dismay to arousal to helpless resignation. Instead of pushing her away from him, he pulled her closer and buried his face against her neck.

A kind of hazy fog settled over her, leaving her languid. She felt the Doctor carrying her to the bed, felt something settle in her mind, clouding...

"Don't," she ordered as she realized what he was doing. "Don't muck about in my mind and try to make me forget this or gloss it over. I don't want that."

The sensation hesitated, then faded away.

When it was done, they held each other as he wept, Tegan shushing him as he told her over and over again how sorry he was. "It's not your fault," she whispered fiercely, fighting her own tears. "It's not your fault."

* * * *

Lals sighed at the Doctor's words. "They did the same thing to me," he admitted. "I imagine it's done quite often."

"Heinous," the Doctor said as he looked down, his face crimson with shame.

Tegan had stopped crying and raised her head. "He's blaming himself, and probably thinks I blame him as well."

"Don't you? Shouldn't you?" he asked. "I should be able to stop it!"

"Don't you think every other couple that's gone through this has had those thoughts?" Rina asked. " But this isn't of your design. And there is no failing on your part, Doctor, for this."

He didn't reply. "You're very stubborn," Rina said, "I know that from working with you. But what you're doing isn't logical, and it isn't fair either to you or to Tegan. If you want to get through this, stop blaming yourself for something you can't control. Until you do that, you can't help either one of you."

She stood up, patted Tegan on the arm, and went to her husband's side. "Lals and I are going to keep walking," she said. "Why don't the two of you talk."

The Doctor sat down next to Tegan. They looked at each other.

"She's right, you know."

"I have told her she is wise on more than one occasion," the Doctor said.

"I don't blame you, Doctor. You have to believe that."

He sighed. " I do. And I know I shouldn't blame myself. I just..."

"You've gotten too accustomed to being in control of everything, of fixing everything. Now you can't, and it's knocked you for a loop. Getting back up is up to you."

"I'm beginning to understand that."

"About bloody time," Tegan smiled.


	15. Fifteen

She moved closer to him, and he reached for her, enfolding her in his arms as she rested her head on his shoulder. They sat motionless, watching the setting sun, until the guards said it was time to go inside.

As a guard unlocked their door the Doctor said: "I want to speak to Halda."

One guard snorted.

"Tell her the Doctor wants to speak to her."

The guards shrugged, waving them in. As the door closed behind them, Tegan stared at him quizzically. "Doc?"

"Come on, let's get ready for her majesty's visit."

Tegan raised her eyebrows, but said no more, knowing he would make it clear to her soon. Not long after they showered Halda arrived.

"What do you want?" she asked without preamble.

"I want you to stop drugging my food."

"That is necessary."

"Not anymore it isn't. Tegan and I will continue mating. I am causing her pain from this, and I want it to stop." Halda made no reply, just looked at him.

"Please," the Doctor said. His tone was as close to pleading as Tegan had ever heard.

"Very well. But I need not tell you what will happen if you do not mate." She turned to go, then paused. "Since you will no longer be drugged, you and Tegan may return to work tomorrow."

As she left, Tegan breathed a sigh of relief. Then she turned to look at him. "Doc?"

"Yes, Tegan?"

"You really, I mean..."

He moved beside her and took her hands in his. "I'm not good with guilt, Tegan. If there's always been one emotion I've rather understood, it's that one. Part of the burden of being a renegade Time Lord, I imagine. I'm starting to... accept the idea that right now I can't change this, and that it isn't my fault. But I will not keep taking you like an animal in heat. And starting tomorrow when we go back to work, we'll renew our efforts to find a way out of here."

She smiled her delight. He shook his head. "But let me make this clear, Tegan: if we try again and fail, there will not be a third time. I would rather us spend our lives here than see you die."

"Doctor," she started.

"What if it was reversed, Tegan? Would you want to see me die?"

"I have before," she murmured.

"And is that something you want to go through again?"

She sighed in frustration. "You know it isn't."

"Then you understand."

"Hell's teeth, yes, I understand!" He subsided. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry, I'm being defensive," she answered. "I know you're right, you usually are. I just don't want you to be."

"That makes two of us."

Two days later at work, Rina cornered the Doctor as far away from the guards as possible. "Doctor," she whispered.

"What, Rina?"

"You know Lals works in the laundry section."

The Doctor nodded.

"The Azim always go through prisoner belongings that they keep in storage, use their old clothing and other things they had with them when they were brought here. Evidently, it was just found out yesterday that yours and Tegan's things had been mislabeled. Before they could get a look, Lals dropped the box. While he was putting everything back in, some prisoners started fighting, the guards got distracted, and he was able to take something without being seen. I don't even know what it is, but we thought you might like to have it."

The Doctor was shaking inside, but forced himself to appear calm. "Where is it?"

Rina glanced around, making sure they weren't being watched, then quickly drew something out of her shirt. He casually moved closer to her and she pressed something hard and cool into his palm. He drew a quick, ragged breath, not needing to look to know that she had just given him his sonic screwdriver.

He quickly slipped it into his own shirt, thankful he was in the habit of keeping it tightly tucked in. When he looked at her Rina was startled by the depth of emotion she saw in his eyes. "Thank you, Rina, and thank Lals for me, too," he whispered.

She nodded. "Doctor... is it something important?"

He grinned. "You might say that. You might indeed."

All day the Doctor forced himself to stay business as usual, showing no outward sign of his inner excitement. If the Azim were more observant, they might have noticed him moving a little slower than usual, with more care: luckily for him, they weren't and didn't. By the end of the day, he felt that even his patience had been tested, but it was so worth it!

Tegan looked up as he came in, still calm. They got their food and were left alone. Only a few minutes after that did he finally stir.

"Come in here," he whispered, pointing to the bathroom.

She raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Don't you want to eat before we start that?"

He rose and to Tegan's amazement, drew her up and into his arms, holding her tight for a moment before gently nudging her towards the bathroom. "Trust me, brave heart."

She shook her head, but followed him in. "What's going on with you?" she asked quietly. "You're acting odd. Mind you, you do that often, but this is different."

He smiled. "I got an early birthday gift today."

"What?"

The Doctor, still smiling, reached into his shirt with one hand and covered Tegan's mouth with the other. She made a few muffled indignant sounds, but when she saw the sonic screwdriver, her eyes bulged and she reflexively squealed.

"And you wonder why I did this," he commented wryly, wiggling the fingers that covered her mouth.

He waited to make sure that she had hold of herself, then removed his hand. She stared. "How the bloody blazes did you get it!" she asked.

"Lils and Rina. Lils was able to take it from our belongings while the guards were distracted."

"Cripes," she breathed. "And he didn't even know what it is. That's a hell of a present, Doc!"

"Yes, it is, isn't it?"

They stared at each other. "So... now what?" Tegan asked.

"Now we get out of here."

"I know that, I mean... how? How do we do it?"

"Two things. But right now, let's eat."

"Eat? How can you think of eating at a time like this?"

"Normally, I wouldn't: not every day, at least. You know that. But you need food, and on the off chance that Halda or some guards come in here, we need to keep up appearances."

"All right."

"We'll finish talking during our shower."

She couldn't help but laugh.

When dinner was done and they were in the shower, Tegan snatched the washcloth. "All right, out with it," she commanded as she lathered herself up.

He leaned back against the wall, blue eyes dark with thought. "As I said, two things. First: I still have to get the key to the TARDIS. And I have to find the key to Rina and Lils ship."

"Busting them out as well?" Tegan smiled.

"Yes. They're only a few doors down for us, and with what we know of the guards patterns, it will be easy to go to their room and get them out."

She nodded. "And how exactly are you going to be able to get the keys?"

"Rina explained to me where our belongings are stored. It'll be a bit of timing, but I think I can get in and out in one fell swoop. Once I've gotten those two things, it's simply a matter of timing again."

"So when do we go get the keys?"

"WE don't. I do." He took the washcloth from her.

"Now just a minute, Doc," she began heatedly. The look in his eyes stopped her.

"Tegan. Please, please just listen, just this once."

To his surprise, she subsided, though she crossed her arms over her breasts. "Go on, then."

"One person can maneuver easier, faster, and with less chance of being seen than two."

"I'll buy that, Doc. But what else?"

He gave her a wry smile.

"Tell me," she pressed.

"Because if I get caught, I want you to take responsibility for it. Tell Halda you told me to do it. I don't care what you say, but convince her to punish me."

"Are we back to that?"

"Tegan, I mean it. You know what will happen to you. I won't risk you, not until everything is ready for us to try and leave. It isn't necessary."

She sighed. He dropped the washcloth and took her hands in his. "You know perfectly well that normally I'd want you with me. But not for this. Please tell me you understand."

She looked up at him. "I do, Doc."

He nodded, surprising her by leaning in and kissing her. "Thank you."

"So... tonight, then?"

"Yes. While I'm gone try and get some sleep. When I come back, we're going to make our escape."

She grinned. "No argument there, Doc!"


	16. Sixteen

"Somehow, I didn't think there would be."

She growled playfully as she grabbed a towel and stepped out.

A few minutes later, he joined her in the bed, wrapping himself around her and resting his cheek on her shoulder. "Not long til lights out," she murmured.

He nodded. "I'm going to wait about thirty minutes after that. That should be enough time for the guards to make their rounds."

She breathed a heavy sigh. "For the record, I'm not happy with you going alone to find the keys."

"I didn't expect you to be," he answered softly. "But thank you for agreeing to it."

She said no more, just closed her eyes and enjoyed feeling him next to her. She knew there was no way she would sleep while he was gone, but that didn't matter. She was as wired as if she had drank a pot of coffee and smoked a pack of ciggies.

"Your heartbeat is awfully rapid," he commented.

"What do you expect?"

He sighed. "I'd like for you to rest."

"Well, I wouldn't. And I've already made one concession to you today, old boy."

"I guess two is out of the question," he chuckled.

"You're learning, Doc. You're learning."

Tegan turned over when she felt him rise. "It's time?"

"Yes." He drew a deep breath. "Here goes step one."

She squinted in the dark, hearing the soft familiar whine of the sonic screwdriver. A moment later, he made a quiet sound of triumph and set his collar down on the table, the light still its normal solid color.

"Thank the heavens," Tegan breathed.

"Quite," he agreed. He stepped to the door. Tegan was suddenly griped with anxiety, and she quickly rose and joined him, putting out a hand before he started on the lock.

"Doc..."

He pulled her to him, sensing her fear, and she wrapped her arms around him. "It's all right, Tegan," he whispered. "If I get caught, it'll only be a good beating. Nothing I haven't had before."

"And nothing you'll not have again?" she managed to laugh. She reached up and kissed him hard, surprising them both with her intensity, but after a few seconds of being startled, he responded. When she pulled back, he saw a faint gleam of tears in her eyes.

"Be careful out there, you fool Time Lord," she said softly.

"No worries there, brave heart," he said.

She nodded, releasing him and stepping back. "Then you'd best get on with it."

He turned his attention to the door again, and there was a faint click as he displaced the locking mechanism. He slowly opened it a crack and looked out. He turned back to her and smiled. She watched with a mixture of elation and fear as he quietly slipped into the hall, his lean form dimly outlined from the soft light in the hallway before the door closed.

Tegan blinked, her eyes not appreciating the rapid change in light no matter how short a period of time it lasted. Almost in slow motion, she went back to the bed and laid down, curling up on her side, staring at the door. She drew a deep shuddering breath.

Yes, she'd meant it when she told him she understood his reasoning. And she wasn't happy about it. But more than either of those things was the weight of what she'd left unspoken, had not had any choice but to leave unspoken. If he got caught, she had no intention of taking the blame. She would tell Halda it had all been his idea, that she had begged him not to do it. He would be furious, no two ways about it. But she simply would not, could not do what he had told her to do. Even if meant a second punishment. He would just have to understand. Tegan was all too familiar with not liking something but understanding it.

She lay wrapped up in those thoughts, shivering with fretfulness, the knots in her stomach untying and retying themselves every few minutes. She didn't hear anything but the thudding of her heart. Her imagination kept threatening to run away with her, picturing the Doctor being grabbed, stunned with a baton, perhaps even beaten, and Halda coming to her to demand to know who was to blame...

She was going to lose her mind.

She had no awareness of time other than it was passing at an agonizingly slow pace. She got up, walked the length of the room, laid back down, and repeated this several dozen times. When she was sure that she was going to have to bite her tongue to keep from screaming, there was a sound at the door.

She leaped off the bed, hands clenched into fists as she moved behind it. Maybe if she could cause a distraction...

The door opened just wide enough for her to see that it was the Doctor. She covered her mouth, eyes wide, while he slipped in. She stepped back, hands moving to pluck at her sides as she stared at him. "Doc?" she pleaded.

Wordlessly he guided her to sit down on the bed, then sat beside her, squeezing her shoulder as he felt her shaking. "Calm down, Tegan. I'm fine."

"Did you..."

"Ye of little faith, Tegan," he chuckled as he held out his other hand. She squinted hard, and her frown turned into a smile, then a huge grin as she saw what he held: the screwdriver and some sort of odd piece of metal. For Lils and Rina's ship, she imagined. But where was...

"Here," he said, as if he was reading her mind, pulling her hand to his neck.

She felt the familiar shape of the TARDIS key on its chain.

"Bingo!" she laughed through her tears.

"I can't believe you doubted me," he pouted.

"I've learned not to take anything for granted, Doc," she retorted. "Now, how about we go to phase two, you get this bloody collar off me, we go get Rina and Lils and get the hell out of here!"

"Patience, Tegan," he answered. "We need to wait a bit, it's time for the guards to make another round."

She blinked. "How long were you gone?"

"About an hour, give or take a few minutes."

"That's all? It felt like an eternity!"

"Well, time is relative, Tegan..."

"Doc, you can tell me about it til I'm blue in the face when we're on board the TARDIS. Right now please get this blasted thing off me!"

"And here I thought you were learning patience," he sighed with mock disappointment. He made an adjustment to the screwdriver, then went to work on her collar. When it came off, she drew a deep breath. "Free at last!"

"It does feel good," he agreed, stretching out on the bed with his arms folded under his head.

Tegan followed his lead. "You're so calm," she whispered.

"On the outside, yes. Inside I have a butterfly collection."

She chuckled. "I'd not really have suspected that."

"What, that a Time Lord could get nervous?"

"Yes."

"We do have emotions, Tegan. We're just used to keeping them at bay."

"You can say that again," she murmured.

"I would've thought you'd know differently by now." His voice was casual, but there was an edge to it she couldn't quite define.

"I suppose I do. You're not a typical Time Lord, thank goodness!"

"I second that completely," he said.

"I'm glad we're still able to agree on things," she teased.

"So am I, Tegan."

His voice was warm and made a shiver run through her. She realized with a start that if they got out, a lot of things would have to be sorted. A LOT. One thing at a time, Tegan, let's get out of here first. Then you and he can argue over the rest of it.

He sat up suddenly. "It's time," he whispered. "Come on."

She followed him to the door. "Keep behind me," he told her, "and keep your eyes and ears open."

"That's the most unnecessary thing you've said to me in months," she answered.

"Humor me," he sighed, and slowly cracked the door.

She waited, heart hammering in her chest, until he glanced back at her. "Come on."

Together they slipped out into the hallway.

So this is what it's like at night, Tegan thought. The halls were long and dark, with only a few intermittent lights giving off illumination. She could see fine, it was just... strange. She pulled herself out of her thoughts and focused on listening and watching. When they got to Rina and Lils door they stopped, and the Doctor quickly opened it. Tegan saw her friends grinning like maniacs as they entered, closing the door behind them.

"It really worked," Lils breathed.

The Doctor grunted and went to work on their collars. "Remember," he said as he freed them. "If we get separated, keep going. If we get captured, keep going. Even if we haven't made it to the ships yet, try and get outside and away. Someone has got to let the universe know what's going on here." He pressed the key into Rina's hand.

They murmured agreement, putting their collars down and standing behind Tegan as she moved behind the Doctor. He drew a deep breath. "All right, here we go."

Tegan wanted nothing more than to run, run as fast as she could. She forced herself to creep along, knowing that stealth and silence were called for. The Azim were very dependent on their hodgepodge technology, and now that the collars were off this was going to be an advantage. She was so intent on watching and listening she almost bumped into the Doctor when he stopped at the door that led to where their ships were kept.

Tegan repressed a shiver, remembering all too well the last time she and the Doctor had stood before a door to freedom. This time was different. He bent down and after a moment looked up with a smile. He pushed the door open and they went in. He closed the door back, and suddenly the high- pitched whine of an alarm resounded through the area.

"No," he whispered. "How! Not now, not this close..."

"Doctor!"

Tegan's scream got his attention. "We've got to find the TARDIS and get in before they get here!"

He nodded. Rina and Lils were already running through the hangar. "Thank you, Doctor!" Rina cried as they ran.

"Your ship!" he shouted, pausing.

"It can blast through here easy. Don't worry about us, just go!"

"Come on, Doctor!" Tegan shouted. She took off and he followed her.

"There's dozens of craft here!" Tegan exclaimed. She turned her head one way, then the other, madly searching as they ran.

Dimly the Doctor heard the main door open. "They're coming!"

"There's the TARDIS!" Tegan cried, pulling him around a corner.

They ran, the Doctor pulling off the key as he went. When they reached the TARDIS, he struggled with the lock. Tegan, watching behind them, saw the guards. They were carrying some sort of pipes, and as the Doctor got the door open, one of the guards blew something at him. Tegan knew what it was: a drug-laced dart, the same thing they'd originally been captured by.

"Doctor!" she cried, a second too late. It went into his arm.

She grabbed him and shoved him inside, rapidly closing the doors behind them. "Doctor, go!" she screamed.

He had already moved to the console, frantically operating switches and buttons. There was pounding on the door. Tegan went to his side, watching in horror as his hands shook and he started to sway. She stood behind him, holding him up, supporting him. "Doctor, come on!"

"I'm trying... almost..." his hands reached for the dematerialization switch. He felt the control under his fingers, heard Tegan crying, pleading with him, felt something warm and strong grip his hand...

That was the last thing he knew before darkness claimed him.

"Welcome back, Doc."

The Doctor groaned, forcing his eyes to open, and found himself staring up at the very welcome sight of Tegan grinning at him. She knelt beside him and brushed his hair away from his face. He heard the soothing hum of TARDIS, saw the glare of the stark white walls, and knew they were safe.

"What happened?" he croaked.

"I put my hand over yours to help you with the lever," she told him. "None too soon to suit me, let me tell you."

"So we're..."

"In the vortex? At least that's where I guessed you sent us."

He nodded. "Yes. Thank you, Tegan."

"For what?"

"For helping me work the controls. If you hadn't..."

She gave him an inscrutable glance. "I'd have to have been pretty stupid not too, Doctor."

He noticed the change in her address of him and nodded. "You're right, Tegan. I didn't mean to be insulting. I'm just... thankful you were with me."

She accepted the olive branch with a slight smile. "Are you all right?"

He nodded. "It was the same drug, it seems. I'm fine."

"Well, I suppose the next order of business will be to go fetch Nyssa. She must be insanely worried by now."

"Very concerned, at the least," he agreed. "I'll attempt to arrive when we'd originally planned." Now it was his turn to fix her with an unreadable look. "But I think we should stay in the vortex for a bit first."

"Why?"

"Because we've just been through a long and painful ordeal, Tegan. We need to heal, and equally importantly, we need to talk."

"But Nyssa..." she began.

"...Will still be on Elysia, and I still plan on returning us within a week of when we left her. I think you and I need to take care of this before she comes back on board." He raised his brows. "Do you disagree?"

"It's not that I disagree—"

"—That's extraordinary," he interjected wryly.

"I just..."

"Yes?"

"Now that we're back, safe and sound... I've been thinking while you were passed out."

She stopped and looked down with a faint frown. He waited. When she didn't continue he sat up. "And?"

"No," she whispered, getting to her feet. "Not now." She turned as if to leave.

He jumped up and grabbed her around the waist, shocking her into stopping. "Don't do this, Tegan. Don't run away from me now. Not after everything we've been through."

She shook her head. "Don't worry, Doc, I don't hold you to anything."

She'd never seen that look on his face before: a look of complete bewilderment, disbelief, pain. "Don't hold me to anything? Tegan, what the devil do you mean?"

"It wasn't you," she cried. "It was the situation, Doc, it's called hostage syndrome, I understand that..." her voice gave out as she drew a ragged breath.

"Is that what you think?" he whispered. "That everything I said to you, everything that happened between us, was the result of psychological stress?"

"Doc..."

"Didn't anything I said reach you? Tegan, when I told you I have had feelings for you for a while now, I meant that! When I said I'd wanted you on some level for Rassilon knows how long, I meant that! It wasn't all just brought on by being prisoners; it wasn't all caused by the forced intimacy. And if you think those feelings have magically evaporated now that we're back on the TARDIS, you're very much mistaken!"

"This is too much for me to handle right now!" She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight in an effort to stem the tide of tears, then opened them again to stare into his. "Please, Doc, I need some time alone to sort myself out. Please understand."

"I do understand, Tegan," he sighed. "It will do me some good as well." He released her. "All right, I'll let you come to me when you're ready. You know where to find me."

"I do?"

"You do... if you're still my brave heart," he smiled.

He turned and left without another word. And with his absence, Tegan felt two emotions she hated: confusion and loss.

************************************************************************

It was two days before she went to him. She'd spent all that time either pacing her room, curled up on her bed, or pacing the corridor outside her room. She'd eaten little and probably not slept much. At least it didn't feel like she had. Finally, on the evening of the second day, she'd made enough peace within herself that she was ready. Instinct told her where to find him, and as she approached the cloisters, she smiled to see that both her instincts and his faith in her were well placed. But she was surprised at the changes he'd made.

There were flowers everywhere. Of every imaginable color and shape. They filled ornate marble planters, stood in crystal vases, curled around white wooden arches. In the center of all this was a white wooden gazebo with a bench on each side. More flowers covered the roof and twined along the sides. The light was soft violet and reminded Tegan of the sunset on Danarus. There was music in the background, so quiet she could barely hear it, a sweet chorus of voices singing acapella in a language she didn't understand.

The Doctor sat on one of the long benches, leaning back, eyes closed. He was totally enraptured by the music. His expression was so peaceful, Tegan hesitated to enter. He'd changed into a cricketing outfit minus jacket and panama hat, and the sight of him looking so much like his old self gave her pause as well.

"A flower garden is best shared with another person, Tegan, especially when the person is partly the reason you created the garden to begin with," he said. He opened his eyes and gave her a gentle teasing glance.

She slowly entered, breathing in the fragrances as she walked towards him, feeling relaxed despite herself. She wore a simple white dress and sandals, having wanted to get away from anything brown and drab after wearing that prison uniform for months. Her hair, like his, was longer, and fell in loose curls around her shoulders. She saw him studying her with a faint gleam in his eyes: what was that look? Appreciation? Speculation? She wasn't sure. But it made her feel very warm inside.

He moved over and she sat down next to him. "Very nice, Doc," she said. "Very peaceful."

He nodded. "Good. That's what I wanted."

"You did this for me?"

"For us," he clarified.

"It's almost romantic," she said without thinking.

He raised both brows at her but didn't comment. "I gather you're feeling better now?" he asked.

"Yes." She studied him. "Are you?"

"Yes."

She nodded, feeling nervous suddenly, wondering how they were going to handle the next bit.

"Better is not, however, synonymous with different," he said quietly.

"Meaning what?" she whispered.

"Meaning my feelings for you haven't changed."

"Oh, Doc..."

"Have yours?" he asked suddenly, sharper than he meant to. "Do you no longer..."

"Love you?" she asked. "No, Doc, my feelings for you haven't changed, either. They wouldn't. I've felt this way about you for a while now."

"It's the same for me, Tegan, even though that's hard for you to accept."

"I guess I'm just afraid to accept it."

"Why?"

She glanced down.

"Are we back to that business of 'You're a Time Lord and I'm a lowly human' again? Because if we are, Tegan Jovanka, I am going to bite your nose."

She couldn't help but laugh. "I'd like to see you try!" Then she sobered. "It's not exactly that, though I guess that is a part of it. I just..."

"It still bothers you how it happened between us," he ventured.

She nodded. "And knowing that if it wasn't for what happened, we might never have been having this conversation."

"I had a similar discussion with Rina at one point," he said.

"You did?"

He nodded. "I told her I was confused, that it all seemed so overwhelming, that I didn't know how to separate what I'd felt for you before with what I felt for you now."

"What did she say?"

"That it wasn't important, that what mattered was how I felt in my heart."

"Hearts, in your case," Tegan quipped.

He nodded again. "And there's no mystery there. I feel happy, Tegan. I'm happy when I'm with you."

"But that doesn't mean..."

"It isn't the same happiness that I get from being around Nyssa, or going to a new planet, or solving Rassilon spatial equations. It's a happiness from touching you, listening to you, laughing with you." He stopped and sighed. "I told you, on your world, it would probably be called love. Time Lords don't normally get emotional enough with anyone to fall in love with them. We don't have a word that compares with it."

"That's grand," she said, rolling her eyes.

"But I feel this," he persisted, taking her warm hands in his cool ones. "I'm not sorry for it, and I don't want to ignore it."

"Your life would be easier if you did," she said, half-joking.

"That may be true. But it would also be very lonely and empty."

"We'll still fight, you know."

"I've no doubt of that."

"It won't be easy."

"Nothing worth having ever really is."

She burst into laughter, and he smiled. "Are you quite finished with your warnings? I had hoped after we resolved this we could do something more enjoyable."

"Ho, did you now?" she grinned. "So sure I'd succumb to your boyish charm, were you?"

His expression was unfathomable. "Let's just say I thought the odds were in my favor."

"I'd not have pictured you for a gambling man," she teased, running her fingers through his silky hair."

"I am when the odds are good," he replied.

"So... what did you have in mind?"

"A vacation, of sorts."

"Now?"

"Why not? Well, we'll go get Nyssa first of course. I'm sure she'll find plenty of things to do during times you and I want to be alone."

"And just where did you plan for this little vacation to be?"

"I didn't, actually. You did."

"Me? What are you talking about?" Tegan asked, mystified.

"Italy, Tegan. You said you wanted me to take you to Italy."

She looked confused, then astonished. "Doc, I said that to you partly in jest months ago!"

"Did you think I'd forget?"

"I didn't even remember at first!"

He smiled, drawing her close and kissing her lightly on the lips. "But I did."

She pulled him back to her mouth, kissing him eagerly with all the happiness she felt. When it was over, she smiled. "Double points for you, Doc."

"Double? Really?" He rose, taking one of her hands in his and pulling her to her feet. "That's awfully generous."

"I feel generous at the moment. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"I was afraid you'd say that," he sighed teasingly.

She curled her fingers around his, and together they walked out of the cloisters and into the promise of a shared future.


End file.
